


Magic Trick

by mcallowance



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Between Avengers (2012) and Thor: The Dark World, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, bruce is the best bro btw, i don't even know what to put here for now, so much sass i can barely handle it, we will see how this goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-10-30 19:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 43,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10883580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcallowance/pseuds/mcallowance
Summary: "Why do you keep visiting me, Stark?" Loki asked, sounding really calm. His voice was also way different from Thor's. It was softer, but also colder. Tony answered quickly."What do you mean?""Do you really believe this is the first time I sense your presence here? Tell me, Stark, what do you, of all people, want with me?""Of all people?""Why, the genius, the scientist, of course," Loki said, slowly looking down, his eyes meeting Tony's chest and stopping on the Arc Reactor. "The one I could not control..." He added more quietly. Tony took a deep breath, still staring at Loki's features until the Asgardian met his eyes again. "The one who is most likely to be skeptical about magic. So tell me, Stark, would you like to see a magic trick?"





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Ooookay so, some explanations. Right, um, I just had this scene in my head and I thought "why not write it?"  
> I mean, I've got time to spare, nothing to lose, so hey. Here you go. I don't know where it will lead. Well, actually, I do, I've already written a part of the last scene. But hey, I don't know what will come between this prologue and the last chapter. I don't know how long it will be, no nothing. So we will discover this together, I guess.  
> I hope you're going to enjoy it though.  
> And I feel like it's important that I tell you that English is not my first language and I don't have any beta. There shouldn't be too many errors but if there are too many of them, feel free to point them out. 
> 
> The story takes place after the events of Avengers (2012). Loki's not sent back to Asgard, he has been banished, and he is kept captive in the Stark Tower.

Tony wondered if it was usual for the Asgardians to do nothing at all all-day long. Maybe it was just because he was captive there, but it seemed that Loki was fine with spending all his time staring at the same wall. Not that he had much more to do to occupy himself. He hadn't even tried to escape, not once.

Tony took a sip of his drink, not realizing that Loki's green eyes were slowly moving in his direction. The tall man had been facing the same wall for a few hours now, hands behind his back, lips forming a thin line. And as often, he had felt Tony Stark's presence in the huge room. Always staying in his dark corner, not wanting to be noticed. Loki didn't know why he was coming down there so often. He didn't exactly mind, the man was not talking to him, he was often leaving after a short hour. But this time was different.

Drinking, Tony had let the ice cubes clatter in his glass and against his teeth, really capturing Loki's attention. But Loki didn't speak, he didn't turn to face Tony, his eyes just slowly drifted on his right as he waited for Tony to make his move.

He did, eventually. Tony slowly walked towards the three steps in the middle of the room before he stopped, not going down. He couldn't go down. The glass was so thin that it was invisible for those not knowing about the cell keeping Loki from leaving this room. Loki still hadn't moved, and Tony took this time to observe him a little bit more. It seemed like Loki was unaffected by his situation, by the place he was in.

He was also very different from Thor. Not because he was calmer and more rational, but because his appearance was also the total opposite of his brother’s, except for the height. Loki had long raven hair, green eyes, he was slender, compared to Thor. If no one had told Tony they were related when Loki had come to Earth, he would have never guessed it.

And finally, Loki moved, turning slowly before walking with the same pace towards the steps. He didn't climb them, he stayed right in front of them, looking up at Tony. There were a few seconds of silence before Stark broke it.

"First time I'm able to be taller than one of you demigods," he said before taking another sip of his drink. Loki didn't smile, he actually didn't look amused in the slightest.

Loki finally climbed the steps, his hands still behind his back. For a second, Tony felt a shiver going down his spine as a wave of pure heat went up his body. He had had the same reaction when Loki had tried to control him for the first time, before his scepter met with his reactor. Because for a second, he had really thought Loki could harm him, no matter how confident he was trying to look like. And this time was no different.

As Loki approached more and more, Tony felt like there was no glass between them. Like Loki was really going to face him, like Loki would be able to reach his throat again to throw him across the room. And as he focused on his thought, Tony saw his own reflection in the glass and he felt better already. He blinked, his eyes focusing now on Loki, who had stopped right in front of him.

"Why do you keep visiting me, Stark?" Loki asked, sounding really calm. His voice was also way different from Thor's. It was softer, but also colder. Tony answered quickly.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you really believe this is the first time I sense your presence here?" Tony narrowed his eyes for a second. He couldn't put words on the new glow he could see in Loki’s gaze. Was it some kind of amusement? Or was it just arrogance? Tony couldn't tell. "Tell me, Stark, what do _you_ , of all people, want with me?"

"Of all people?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow at Loki's words. A small smile joined the glow in Loki's eyes. He was definitely enjoying this. Probably because he had noticed Tony's feelings had been hurt. Because they were the same, Tony knew it. Their ego could sometimes be bigger than the Stark tower, and Tony hadn't been able to resist asking this.

"Why, the genius, the scientist, of course," Loki said, slowly looking down, his eyes meeting Tony's chest and stopping on the Arc Reactor. "The one I could not control..." He added more quietly. Tony took a deep breath, still staring at Loki's features until the Asgardian met his eyes again. "The one who is most likely to be skeptical about magic."

Now, Loki was smirking. Tony didn't say anything, nor did he look away. He was not about to lose at a staring contest. Besides, if he had to be honest, he found Loki interesting, in a way. In his own really creepy way. Tony couldn't exactly tell why he was coming down there to watch him, sometimes. Maybe because what was interesting was the man's intelligence. Thor had talked about it a few times.

"So tell me, Stark, would you like to see a magic trick?" Loki asked quietly, even though he sounded more threatening now, as he took a step closer to the glass, his nose almost meeting it. Again, Tony breathed deeply and looked a bit tense as he glanced around for a few seconds.

As he met Loki's eyes again, he could see that his expression was full of mischief, now. But his smirk slowly changed to show his amusement once more.

"What were you expecting, exactly? You, your friends and the one calling me his brother keep me captive. I can't do anything," Loki said as he shook his head. Tony couldn't help but roll his eyes. He was way too tense since the events, since the alien attack. Anxious enough to believe Loki had been able to find a way to use his magic despite being locked there. No. If he had found a way to do so, he would have escaped already. Tony sighed.

"Well, what can I say. You did almost kill us all. And you tried to rule Asgard instead of your father, didn't you?" Even if he didn't look annoyed, Loki did lose his smirk when Tony stopped talking. Was it because of the reminder that his plans had failed?

"Are you dead?" Loki asked quite softly as he tilted his head, eyebrows raised, only focusing on Tony's first statement. He almost looked naive. And he sounded naive. Thor had warned the team about Loki's golden tongue, not everyone could enter this room.

Tony chuckled, hiding his free hand deep in his pocket.

"I said almost. One simple guy is not going to do us much harm," he added. He saw the twitch of Loki's eyes and for a second, Tony felt satisfied. But then, the Asgardian turned around and went down the steps again, hands behind his back. Was that it? No one had been able to get one word from Loki in months, not even his brother, and now that he was talking, it was going to stop like that? Tony was too proud to be the one he had talked to first to let him walk away, even if he would not admit it.

But he did wonder why Loki was talking to him. Maybe because he hadn't been able to control him.

"I pictured you differently, you know."

"I do not know. Nor do I care," Loki said calmly as he kept walking around the cell, not looking at Tony.

"I thought you'd look more like Thor," Tony added. Loki stopped walking as his attention was caught. But he kept staring in front of him. "Weirdly enough, I've always heard him speak highly of you despite the fact that you're a prick. I wonder why, you don't seem to be very special. You're the brainy one of the duo, aren't you?"

" _That_ we are not," Loki said coldly as soon as Tony had stopped talking.

"A duo? Didn't you guys used to fight together? I mean, as a team, before you tried to kill everyone."

"Thor and myself? And all his jolly friends?" Loki asked as he grimaced before acknowledging Tony's presence with a glance. "Please, do yourself a favor and stop believing in things you know nothing about."

Tony frowned, crossing his arms as Loki walked once again towards him.

"What happened, then?"

"What do you mean, what happened?" Loki asked as he narrowed his eyes and this time, Tony could clearly hear the irritation in his voice.

"Between you and your family. Something must have happened, for you to become such a bitch." Loki, who was almost reaching the steps, stopped and glared at Tony. The genius was really calm, studying Loki's reactions to his words. "Especially considering how Thor speaks of you. What made you go off your rocker? Why did you betray them this way?"

"I betrayed them?" Loki suddenly asked. Tony didn't hear irritation alone in his voice, this time, but anger too. Real rage as he approached the steps more quickly. Soon enough, his fist met the glass, a glow of light leaving the place Loki's hand was to go through the entire pane and disappearing when it met the walls on each sides of the men. Tony was glad his invention was able to keep Loki locked up. "I BETRAYED THEM?"

Loki's yell didn't echo in the room. It was only followed by a silence. It was heavy, and the two men looked at each other for a moment.

"I told you there would be no scenario with you getting out on top," Tony said more quietly. Loki's features slowly relaxed, his jaw wasn't clenched anymore but no sound came out of his mouth. He unclenched his fist too, his hand resting against the glass. For a moment, Tony thought that he looked desperate.

Tony almost told him that he would see him the next time he would come down there, but he didn't. He drank what was left of his drink, turned around and walked out of the room, leaving Loki alone with his thoughts.


	2. Family Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think you guys would like this so much. Thank you for all the kudos and the comments, it really makes me want to write more! I'm usually really busy (real life being a pain in the ass, amirite?) but I'll try to update as often as I can, promise. Thanks again! I'm so nervous, I hope you'll enjoy this one!

Tony stepped out of the elevator and walked towards Bruce, grasping a pen from one of the tables. As he reached his friend, he poked the man in the side with it. Bruce, used to this treatment and having heard the elevator, only looked up at Tony who kept walking towards the other side of the room without talking.

For at least a minute, Bruce kept writing on one of the many pieces of paper in front of him. Tony and he were working on something new for his suits, but lately, Tony had been wandering off a lot. Bruce glanced at Tony's back once again and finally put his pencil on the table, straightening up on his seat.

"Why are you going to see him anyway?" He asked quietly. Tony only turned his head for an instant before looking at the screens in front of him again.

"I get bored easily."

"That I know..." Bruce mumbled, looking at his equations. When he glanced at Tony again, he noticed that Tony was staring at him, leaning against his table.

"Anyway, do you know what happened between him and his family, exactly?" Tony finally asked. Bruce frowned before shaking his head, not understanding Tony's fascination with the man.

"How could I?" He said quietly, and Tony tilted his head.

"I don't know, Big Guy, you know more things than a lot of people here. Not more than I do, but still, it's pretty impressive," Tony said. Bruce chuckled quietly and Tony walked towards him, this time leaning on his table, trying to meet Bruce's eyes. But the man was working again, looking like he didn't want to talk about it anymore. When Tony didn't move, Bruce sighed.

"Look... When they brought him in for the first time, I said that he grows on people. I was being sarcastic. I don't get you," he finally said, focusing on what he was doing. Tony shrugged. "Besides, you know what they would think of it, if they knew what you're doing."

"That's why you're the only one who knows. Because I trust you, I know you're not going to tell them, and I know you're not going to stop me," Tony said with a smile. Bruce shook his head, putting his pencil on the table again. After a moment, he made a slight movement and Tony thought he was going to work again, but Bruce didn't. He stopped in his track and joined his hands on his lap as he looked at his fingers. He seemed hesitant.

"He is sick, Tony, I don't think you should stay around him too much..."

"I know," Tony said as he rolled his eyes, "He's a sick, sick bastard. But he talked to me." Bruce directly looked at his friend again, surprised.

"What do you mean, he talked to you?"

"Well, like you just did, he opened his mouth, he used his vocal chords and-"

"Tony, I know what you mean. How come?" Bruce said, not exactly needing Tony's sarcastic comments. Tony chuckled as he straightened, walking around the table to come closer to Bruce.

"He just needed to be... provoked. You know what I mean," he said as he poked Bruce's chest with the pen again. Bruce tilted his head as he sighed.

"You angered him so he would talk to you?"

"Kind of." Seeing Bruce's expression, Tony quickly explained himself. "I mean, we were simply talking at first, really, then I just wanted to see what makes him react."

"I'm not sure studying him is a really good idea," Bruce said calmly, looking down for a moment.

"It's not hurting anyone," Tony grimaced before hearing another sigh coming from Bruce.

"Is it because you're bored?" He asked.

"I already told you-"

"I mean, is it _really_ because you're bored?" Tony didn't answer right away. He stared at Bruce. He knew he couldn't fool his friend. No one would go and visit Loki because they were bored, it was a stupid excuse. But Tony didn't want to make up a better one. He didn't need to, he didn't need to hide anything to Bruce. He looked away as he thought about his words. How would Bruce understand that?

"I just want... I just _need_ to understand why he did what he did."

"Why he unleashed an army of aliens on Earth, you mean?" Bruce asked, slowly shaking his head. Tony closed his eyes for a second before looking at Bruce again. The scientist found that kind of ironic. For once, Tony was the one being more serious. He tilted his head. "Explain, I'd like to understand, really."

Tony sighed as he turned around, walking towards the screens again.

"Before the aliens, before he came on Earth, he tried to kill his brother and rule his world, right? I just don't get why. I don't get why he suddenly turned against his family to finally attack us when his plans didn't go the way he wanted them to." Looking annoyed, he turned on the spot, crossing his arms. "I don't like things that I don't get. And I don't really want to believe I almost died for no reason."

"It would have been to save everyone, you know that, Tony. You did it to save us."

"But why did I have to do that? Don't tell me he's just acting out, I won't buy it."

"He's crazy, Tony, that's probably why. Something is very, very wrong with him," Bruce said as he looked away. "Maybe that's just it. Maybe what's wrong with him makes him act this way, turned him into a monster."

Bruce heard Tony approach quietly, he saw him put his hands on the table as he leaned a bit. But Bruce didn't let him meet his eyes.

"I believe there is a reason for everything... I already told you that you should have been killed by this much exposure to-"

"I'm not like this for a reason, Tony," Bruce said as he finally faced Tony again. He could see Tony's jaw muscles work as if he was chewing and he sighed. "I know you mean well, but I also know that what I am is wrong. And there is no reason for it. Sometimes, things happen for no reason. It's unfortunate, but you shouldn't go look further."

Bruce knew that Tony wouldn't listen, of course. Tell him to do something, he will do the exact opposite just to prove a point. But he was glad Tony didn't say anything more about it. That he didn't tell him he would go see Loki again, or that deep down, he knew Bruce was this way for a purpose. He was glad that the conversation was over.

For about half an hour.

Because Tony couldn't help himself. He had to talk about it, he couldn't stop thinking about it. It was his new obsession, because like he had told Bruce many times, he was bored. Maybe it was because of Pepper. Maybe he wanted to find something else he could think about, because thinking about her leaving him was too hard. It was like he hadn't been able to find anything he could really enjoy ever since.

After Tony had almost died, a few months before, Pepper had asked him to stop all this madness. She had learned to be fine with his missions for a while, but now it was too much. Instead, the Stark Tower had become the Avengers Headquarters. Tony couldn't stop, he needed to be Iron Man, it was a part of him now. He couldn't just stop helping people like that. So, they had decided to take a break. Then, the break turned into a break up. Three months after the break up, Tony still seemed to be very distracted.

He wasn't talking about it. He had never talked about it. At first, he hadn't even told anyone about it. Until someone had asked how she was doing, until he had been unable to answer this simple question. They were still on good terms, but they weren't talking daily and when they were, it was mostly about the Stark Industries. But he hadn't seen her in a long time.

He had been really evasive and no one had asked any questions. They knew better. At first, Bruce hadn't said anything when Tony had started to go see Loki. He knew he wasn't talking to him, he knew that it was just to be as alone as he could be because he needed some time for himself but didn't have any. This floor was constantly empty, no one was staying around the cell.

Still, Bruce hadn't expected Tony to talk to Loki. And even less to hear that Loki had talked to Tony. And yes, he was curious. What did they talk about? How was Loki living his captivity? Was it driving him mad? Did he want to escape? What did Tony say to him? How did he anger him? But he didn't want to ask any questions, he didn't want to make Tony go down there even sooner. It wasn't good for Tony. Instead, he should be staying in the workshop with him, or hang out with the other guys. Not with Loki.

Bruce didn't have to ask all his questions to get answers anyway. 

"You don't wanna know what he told me?" Tony asked, looking focused on his task. Bruce glanced at him.

"I'm good, Tony," he answered as he wrote something down.

"Come on, Big Guy, don't be like that," Tony said as he rolled his eyes. He was used to Bruce being really quiet, working in silence, and he was often talking to him without getting any response. Tony was fine with that, he wasn't bothered, he knew Bruce was always listening, answering or not. But this time, he just needed to have a real conversation that wasn't revolving around their work. Bruce sighed and rolled his eyes as he talked.

"Please, Tony, tell me what you and your new best friend talked about," he said, getting a grin from Tony. His tablet in his hand, Tony approached Bruce's table and sat on the stool in front of him.

"Thor wasn't lying when he said his brother has... a certain talent when he talks. Sometimes, you could really think he's just an innocent kid," Tony said, shaking his head. Bruce narrowed his eyes.

"If you know he's trying to manipulate you, why do you talk to him?" He asked. Tony looked up at Bruce, tilting his head as he sighed heavily.

"Banner, come on. We discussed this. I just want answers. He's not manipulating me anyway, I won't fall for that. I'm just saying... You should have seen his face before I left. It looked..." After a second of hesitation, he shrugged, looking at his tablet again. "Anyway, we talked about what he did and about his family. He seems very sensitive when it comes to them," Tony said, looking pensive.

"That's what you used to anger him?" Bruce asked, working too. Good thing they were good when it came to multi-tasking, or knowing Tony, they would both be too distracted to get anything done.

"Kinda. I noticed he was avoiding talking about his father. So, I talked about Thor instead. Told him his brother speaks highly of him, told him I imagined he would look more like him."

"How could he, he's adopted," Bruce muttered, focused. Tony looked up. "Maybe that's why it angered him."

"Wait, what did you say?" Tony asked quickly. Bruce kept looking at his work even though he raised an eyebrow.

"You didn't know? Thor mentioned it."

"When?" Tony asked. Couldn't Bruce be more precise when he was talking? God, he had to ask for everything.

"The first time we had him captive. You know, in my cell," Bruce said as he glanced at Tony. "Oh, yeah, you weren't with us," Bruce added, apparently remembering that detail now. Tony looked away, thinking. That would explain his reactions. But did it mean he had grown up with that in his mind, or that he had learned about this the year before? Was it the reason he had tried to rule Asgard? Wasn't this reaction a bit disproportionate, if he had just been adopted by the royal family of his world? He could have had worse parents, Tony guessed. If it was the reason of his actions, there was probably more to it. At least, Tony hoped there was, and that Loki wasn't just a spoiled brat acting out.

Tony thought about talking to him about it. But he knew it wasn't a solution. He knew that Loki would not start talking about it so easily.

"Do you know who his parents are?" He then asked Bruce who just shrugged.

"Does it look like I'm interested in Loki's life, Tony?" He asked quietly. Tony chuckled.

"You did ask me for what we talked about, you really looked like you desperately wanted to know," he said, laughing again when Bruce stared at him. "It's fine, I'll find out for the both of us."

"Tony, I-"

"Find out what?"

Bruce and Tony looked up to see Steve approach in the workshop, looking around at all the technology.

"Why you keep coming in my workshop when I already told you I don't like having you here," Tony said, not looking up from his tablet. Steve tried not to roll his eyes as he put his hands on his hips. It's not like he wanted to touch anything anyway.

"I'm glad to see you too, Tony," Steve said, getting a grin from Tony. "Anyway, you guys should come upstairs. Natasha brought the food. Movie night."

Both Tony and Bruce wouldn't have minded spending the night in the workshop but they weren't about to say no to some food. Bruce was also relieved that the conversation was over. Tony was stressing him out. But he knew it wouldn't be the end of it.

**¤**

Still, Tony didn't go back to see Loki for the next three days. He decided to give himself some time after yet another nightmare about the events that had almost killed him. He had planned to go down there the next day, but somehow, his plans had changed.

"Thor, what are you doing here?" Bruce exclaimed as the Asgardian stepped out of the elevator. The others, who weren't used to Bruce being loud, all peered to see what was going on.

"I came to visit!" Thor was even louder as he greeted Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Steve and Tony. "How are you doing, my friends?"

They hadn't seen the man since New-York had been attacked by the Chitauri and they all started to discuss with Thor, getting him to sit with them. After a while, though, Tony became quieter. He was thinking, looking at Thor. But he waited before talking, the rest of the Avengers were happy to see the man, to know what he had been doing since his last visit on Earth. As he poured himself another drink, he glanced at Thor.

"So, are you here for a particular reason?" He simply asked before taking a sip, leaning on his seat again. Thor laughed loudly as he looked Tony over. 

"You are quite the curious type, aren't you?" He said, still looking joyful. "But you are right, Man of Iron, I came here for a purpose. What gave me away?" Tony shrugged.

"Besides the fact that you can't stop looking at the elevator?" Tony asked, leaning back on his seat. "The fact that the bridge between our worlds has apparently been destroyed, meaning you have to use some kind of great power to come down here."

When Thor arrived on Earth to stop Loki and that he had been introduced to this peculiar group of people, he had told them all about the Bifröst being destroyed when Loki had disappeared. His father, Odin, apparently had to use a lot of power to send him there. Tony hadn't forgotten. He was hardly forgetting anything, with the brain he had.

"I mean... Would you use that power just to come see a bunch of humans?" Tony added.

Again, Thor laughed. But slowly, his laughter faded and he stared at the table, a melancholic smile fixed on his face. He then finally glanced at his friends. "How is my brother doing?"

Of course, he was there for Loki. Probably not to bring him back to Asgard, since he had been banished after his trial. But to check on him. Check that he hadn't tried anything, or that he hadn't gone totally mad. That he was still locked up and alone.

Tony tilted his head on the side, staring at Thor. Of course, Thor was still concerned despite what Loki had done. He was still loving him, he was still seeing him as a brother. As his brother.

"He's peachy," Tony let out, getting a glance from Bruce.

"And how would you know, Stark?" Clint asked, now looking at Tony like the rest of the group. Tony met Bruce's eyes.

"I'm a genius, remember?" He said with a smile. "Anyway," he added as he stood up, his glass still in his hand, "Come with me to his cell, if you want to see him. I doubt he will want to see you, but you never know." He was speaking quite quickly, already walking towards the elevator. Thor didn't wait, he stood up directly, saying he would come back right after, and he followed Tony.

They both stepped in the elevator and Tony slightly raised his glass at the group as he looked at Bruce once again.

 

In the elevator, they were both waiting silently to reach the second floor of the building. They had to stay in there for a while. Tony glanced a few times at Thor, thinking that he would probably start talking about something. So, if Tony wanted to discuss Loki, he had to do it now.

"So, Thor, I've heard something, really recently."

"Please, do share," Thor said as he turned to face Tony. The genius couldn't help but look at Thor's get-up. They really had to teach him how to dress appropriately. Fortunately, he wasn't going to get out of the tower. Tony cleared his throat.

"Bruce told me that Loki... Well, you guys aren't _really_ brothers, is that true?"

"What happened in the past doesn't matter, he is and always will be my brother," Thor said confidently, even looking satisfied with this. Tony smiled a little, hiding his free hand in his pocket as he took a sip of his drink.

"Yes, I get what you mean, but... So it's true, you don't have the same parents?" Thor sighed, looking down for a second. Then, he met Tony's eyes.

"He was raised by the people who raised me. He calls them father and mother like me. They are his parents," Thor said firmly.

"Alright, then..." Tony said quietly, looking away as he drank again. Clearly, Thor didn't like to be reminded that Loki wasn't exactly related to him. Weird, knowing that his so-called brother was a criminal. "So, what was it like, growing up? I mean, you've got a nice family and all, but has he ever wanted to meet his rea- his other family?" Tony asked, correcting himself quickly as he saw Thor's expression. Tony shrugged. "I'm just curious, it's fine if you don't want to talk about it."

Thor took a moment before he answered, probably choosing what to do. He sighed once again.

"He never did, because he never knew. He learned about his true parentage when... I don't know exactly when he learned about it, it was last year, when I was on Earth. I learned about it after... When he fell."

When he fell. That was the expression Thor had used a few months before when he had explained Loki's situation, his disappearance and the destruction of the Bifröst. When he fell and that they all thought he was dead. Tony only nodded. He knew he couldn't ask for more. Not when he could see how hurt Thor actually was.

"As a matter of fact, I am here because of-"

Thor stopped talking when they heard the distinctive _ding_ of the elevator. Both Tony and Thor turned their heads to look at the hallway in front of them. Tony pursed his lips, glanced at Thor and then, he stepped out of the lift, Thor on his heels.

They stayed silent in the hallway, listening to their own steps before they stopped in front of the closed door. Tony entered the code to open it and they found themselves at the entrance of a huge room being cut in half by a wall made of glass. Tony glanced at Thor and made a gesture to tell the Asgardian he could walk in. This time, Tony was the one following and he stayed behind as Thor stopped in front of the cell.

He looked at Loki, who was, again, staring at the same wall. Thor didn't speak right away. He took his time to examine his brother. Then, he took a deep breath.

"Brother."

There was no answer for a moment. Then, Loki finally turned his head and looked surprised, like he had just noticed his brother's presence.

"Thor! Are you visiting me? After all this time? How nice," he said before he smiled. Thor looked away, knowing he shouldn't listen to his brother's sarcasms. When he looked at Loki again, the man was approaching the steps. "Or, maybe... Maybe you are here for your girlfriend and you felt guilty? Thought you should go see how your brother is doing to feel better about yourself."

"Loki, enough," Thor said very calmly, like he was used to this kind of behavior. Loki didn't lose his smile. He stopped in front of the steps as he glanced at Tony.

"And what is _he_ doing here?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked Tony from top to toe. Tony frowned, annoyed by Loki's tone.

"Actually, this is my tower, so I go wherever I damn well pleas-"

"I am here to visit you today, brother," Thor said, not minding Tony who glanced at him, still frowning. Loki kept staring at Tony for a few seconds before his eyes slowly drifted to stop on his brother. "Not only for me, but also on our mother's behalf."

Tony was about to drink when he saw Loki's smile slowly fading away as he seemed to take a deeper intake of air. He slowly let it out as he looked away. Finally, Tony drank, frowning a little. Sensitive subject, or so it seemed like it.

"How are you, brother?" Thor asked, still very polite. Loki slowly shook his head, hiding his hands behind his back as he obviously tried to stay composed. He closed his eyes for a second before he faced his brother again.

"How is she?" He asked quietly.

"I am here to tell her how you are doing, Loki, not-"

"I asked you how she is doing," Loki said more coldly, glaring at his brother as he took a step forwards. Thor raised a bit his head, looking down at his brother from his position.

"She is fine. She misses you very much, brother," Thor said. "And so does our father," he added.

Loki narrowed his eyes before letting out a chuckle. It was cold, he really didn't look amused when he climbed the steps to stop in front of Thor.

"Yes, I am sure. Well, you will tell your father that I am doing just great, down here."

There was another silence during which Tony could figure Thor was trying not to sigh. The brothers kept looking at each other, Loki defiantly, Thor sadly.

"I'll come to see you again before leaving, brother. I hope you will be inclined to speak more to me," Thor said as he kept staring at Loki's face, trying to see something that would betray his real feelings. But there was none. He glanced at his empty cell, then met his eyes for a last second, and he finally turned around.

Loki watched him walk away before his attention was caught by the sound of Tony's glass breaking on the floor. Thor turned to look at him too.

"Crap!" Tony exclaimed before he sighed, kneeling. He glanced at Thor. "It's fine, go, I'll take care of this," he said as he took the bigger part of the broken glass, which still had the shape of the bottom of the glass, to put the little ones in it. Thor, who was still disappointed by Loki's behavior, didn't mind and walked towards the door, leaving Tony behind. As soon as Tony heard the elevator closing, he put down the pieces of glass and stood up. He walked towards the cell. Loki hadn't moved from his spot.

"You're a really talkative chap, lately," Tony said as he put his hand against the glass separating them. Something appeared on it and Loki observed the invention scan Tony's handprint.

"And you are a really bad actor." Tony smiled as he shrugged and stepped back. 

"A chance your brother doesn't notice this kind of things, right?" A screen and a keyboard were projected in front of him and he started to type something on it. Soon enough, he looked up as they heard a noise. Slowly, the window moved. Loki backed away as it seemed that his space was being reduced. He went down the steps, watching the window approach him.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he glanced at Tony. The glass stopped moving once down the steps. The noise stopped and Loki looked around him. Nothing else had changed, but his cell was now stopping right in front of the steps, and not on the top stair anymore.

"Well, if we have to make this a regular thing, I might as well be able to sit," Tony said as he approached. He indeed sat on the last step, looking at Loki who was now a few feet away. "There's not even chairs here. And I say I get bored easily, but you must be bored out of your mind."

"Well, they wouldn't want me to enjoy my stay, now, would they?" Loki said with a smirk. Finally, he stepped closer, observing the strange glass separating him from Tony. He knew it was the man's invention, he also knew that he was the only one able to open it, but he didn't know he could make it do this kind of things.

"Your stay? You talk about it as if it was temporary. Does it mean you have the intention to leave us?"

"Well, sooner or later, you know... If not because I'm too bored... You're not always going to be there to stop me, people die eventually. If not by my hand... What's a few decades for me?" Tony tilted his head, staring at Loki as the Asgardian glanced at the beverage on the floor. "Maybe even less for some of you, who knows. You mortals have so many weaknesses. Illnesses, injuries..."

"And you weirdos are so full of yourselves, aren't you?"

Loki chuckled and smiled as he approached the glass even more, stopping in front of Tony. He then sighed.

"Aren't your little friends going to wonder where you're at?"

"I'm a grown ass man who is not locked in a cell, buddy, I do whatever I want."

"Is that why you had to break your glass to stay?" Loki asked more quietly as he met Tony's eyes.

"Sometimes, I'd love for you to still have that muzzle on." Any trace of amusement on Loki's face left him, but he didn't show any sign of anger.

"Why are you here, talking to me, then?" He asked.

"I like to say it's because I get bored easily," Tony said, looking amused. Loki frowned a little.

"But what is the real reason, then?"

"Mh?" Loki looked Tony from top to toe again, restraining a hint of a smile.

"If it's just because you like to say boredom is the cause of your comings and goings, what is the actual reason?" Tony stayed silent for a moment before he smiled.

"I get bored easily," he shrugged. Again, Loki had to stop himself from smiling. This human was kind of amusing, but he wouldn't let him know that.

"Not about to tell me, are you?"

"I don't know buddy, are you going to tell me why you're such a jackass?"


	3. Birthright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guyyyys, thank you for all the kudos. I hope you'll enjoy one too. Finally, we get to see a bit more what Loki's thinks, since we've been mostly seeing Tony's POV until now. :D

_Tony suddenly opened his eyes, his heart beating fast. He blinked, staring at his ceiling. His bedroom was dark, it was the middle of the night and he could feel his sweat rolling down his temples. He took a deep breath as he listened carefully. He had been woken up by something, but he couldn't tell what, like he couldn't remember. Had it been just a dream that he had forgotten already? He wasn't feeling really reassured._

_He sat up on his mattress, glancing around the room. Then, he finally heard something. That's when he noticed that he had stopped breathing, and he let out the little amount of air that was left in his lungs. He swallowed his spit as he slowly got out of bed to walk towards the door. It was ajar, and he slowly opened it to look in the hallway before stepping out._

_The whole floor was dark, maybe he should turn on the lights... He didn't, he slowly walked in the hallway, feeling shivers going down his spine._

_When he found himself in the huge living room, he stopped. He felt like he wasn't alone. But he didn't see the Chitauri creeping behind him on the wall, slowly going up on the ceiling. He could feel it, though._

_Tony stayed still for a few seconds before he finally slowly looked up. Nothing. He let out a sigh of relief and when he looked in front of him again, he saw his own shadow on the wall. He frowned. Something was off because he hadn't turned the lights on. So, what was this blue glow?_

_His body was burning but he kept shivering as his eyes slowly drifted on his left, feeling that someone was behind him._

_Loki was a few feet behind him, sitting on an armchair with his scepter in his hand. He was smiling, trying not to laugh as the horns on his helmet were making him look even more intimidating. Still, when Tony turned, no one was there._

_Tony slowly passed his hand on his face. Maybe he had had too much to drink the night before. He sighed and decided to go back in his bedroom to get more sleep. He didn't mind the few empty bottles of alcohol on the floor in the hallway. He stopped at the door, trying to listen carefully. Nothing._

_He went to lay on his bed and he stared at the ceiling for a moment before finally closing his eyes._

_Soon enough, though, the sound came back. Tony frowned as he took another deep breath. After a few seconds, he swallowed and clenched his jaw before he finally opened his eyes. The Chitauri was on the ceiling, staring down at him. And as soon as Tony opened his eyes, with not even the time to react, the creature jumped on him, mouth opened._

 

Tony suddenly opened his eyes, his heart beating fast. Sweat wasn't just rolling down his temples, now. His shirt was soaked, his hair was wet, and he was panting. He quickly got out of his bed, removing his t-shirt as he walked towards the door. He crossed the hallway quickly and realized he had reached his fridge only when he grabbed a bottle of water. The cold liquid met his burning throat and he almost emptied the entire bottle before letting it fall on the floor. He took a few steps backwards and once his back had met a wall, he let himself slide against it.

Sitting on the floor, he closed his eyes, taking deep breaths as he tried to steady his heartbeat. It took him a few minutes. When he felt that he was slowly doing better, he closed his eyes and looked up at the ceiling as he thought. He didn't want to stay there, he didn't want to go back to sleep. He wouldn't be able to sleep, he knew it.

Should he go see if Bruce was still in the workshop? He quickly shrugged off the idea, though, knowing the scientist was probably asleep. He didn't deserve to be bothered by Tony. He had already been putting up with Tony's behavior during the day since he had moved in the Tower, he didn't need to be woken up by him during the night. But maybe Tony should go in the workshop. Working would take his mind out of everything.

He got up, helping himself with the wall, and he walked towards the elevator. Once in it, he pressed the button, glancing at it before he stared at the doors, waiting with his hands behind his back. He hadn't seen the other Avengers in a few days, they weren't always hanging around. Only Bruce was there all the time. At first, he had refused to live in the Tower, even if he was having a great time working with Tony. But in the end, they felt like it was safer for him, and for the others, to stay there. And Bruce was the only one Tony really felt close to.

The others were friends, sure, but it wasn't the same. They weren't exactly sharing the same interests. It was easier to talk with Bruce. But still, Tony wondered if he would tell him about this dream. Bruce had noticed that Tony was definitely more anxious than before, but Tony wasn't feeling comfortable enough with the matter.

He blinked when the doors opened. He hadn't even heard the _ding_.

He stared at the dark hallway in front of him before he looked up at the number above the doors. He looked down for a second but stepped out anyway. The lights were turned on automatically. After another second of hesitation, he entered the code to open the doors and he walked in the huge room containing Loki's cell.

He approached the glass, his bare feet going down the cold steps before he sat on the top one, as usual. He had gone to visit Loki a few more times since Thor's visit. But they had mostly kept throwing sarcastic comments at each other, the conversations never really going anywhere. Tony knew he couldn't get Loki to talk more to him if he wasn't making an effort on his part, even if he didn't want to do so. Well, he was curious about the man, but still. He had tried to learn what was making him angry, what was making him confused, what might make him open up a little. He hadn’t learned much.

It was the first time in his life that he wasn't able to study something properly. Probably because this particular thing didn't exactly want to be studied. Loki, in spite of all his flaws, was still a living being like any other, he just had powers. He wasn't some kind of book Tony could read before going to bed, or some software he could modify as he wished to get the information he wanted. Loki was more complex, he had a mind on his own, his personality, his own past. He had made his own decisions because of this past and if Tony wasn't able to get him to talk about it, he would never understand what had driven him to act the way he did. 

He watched Loki for a while. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully. He was laying on this bed Tony knew he would hate himself. But he had slept on worse. Hands joined on his tummy, Loki's chest was moving up and down on what seemed to be a regular rhythm.

Tony's eyes drifted on Loki's face as he examined his features. It wasn't the first time he was doing so, even though Loki was usually awake. Tony had caught himself thinking a few times that Loki could have had a worse looking mortal form. Bag guys should look bad, in his opinion.

 

He didn't know how long he had stayed in front of the cell. All he knew was that now, he was definitely calm, and that he had no idea what had driven him there in the first place. He wanted to go to the workshop, at first, he had thought it would have helped him. Maybe his mind had wanted him to check that Loki was still in his cell. Just to be sure.

Tony sighed and stood up. Maybe he just needed a drink.

He glanced one last time at Loki before he turned around and started to walk towards the doors.

"Leaving already?"

Tony stopped in his track and turned his head. Had he really heard Loki talk to him? It had been quiet, and after a nightmare like the one he had had, he wasn't sure of anything anymore that night. He turned around and stared at the man who hadn't moved. Carefully, Tony stepped closer and as he approached, he noticed that Loki's eyes were opened.

He couldn't help but wonder if Loki had been awake for a long time. He didn't ask, though. He just went down the steps once again and stopped in front of the glass. After a moment, Loki turned his head but still didn't get up. He met Tony's eyes and narrowed his own. Tony was pale, his eyes were a bit red, his hair were messy. And as he looked down, the fact that Tony had no shirt on let him see the reactor in his chest. What a peculiar thing...

Finally, Loki sat up. He didn't mind Tony's presence for too long, he stopped looking at the man and got as comfortable as he could. He rested his back against the wall as he joined his hands on his lap. He was too tall for this bed, and sitting like this, his bare feet were almost touching the floor. After he had found his position, he looked in front of him. But not at Tony, at something next to him. At nothing, probably, Tony couldn't tell, but he knew that Loki was ignoring his presence, now. Still, he thought that maybe he could try to talk to him again. He had nothing to lose.

Tony looked down, searching for his words before finally looking at the prisoner again.

"Do you ever regret what you've done?"

He didn't get any answer, not that it surprised him. Loki only fixed his eyes on the genius and he stared at him. There was no anger in his gaze, nor any arrogance or amusement. It usually was what Tony could perceive, but this time, he couldn't tell what attitude Loki was choosing to have. He hadn't discovered this one yet. There wasn't defiance, there wasn't any confidence. If anything, Loki looked tired. Maybe his time in the cell was finally affecting him? Or maybe he just wanted to sleep.

"Really? No remorse? No guilt?" Tony asked as he sat again, too tired to stay on his feet for too long.

Loki breathed deeply as he looked away again.

"No shame?" He asked more quietly. Loki looked annoyed by his words, but again, he didn't answer. He kept staring at a point in front of him. "No nothing?"

"What do you want me to say, Stark?" Loki asked on the same tone. They were both speaking in a low voice but hearing each other very clearly despite the glass separating them. "I did what I had to do," he said as he looked away again. It was the first time Tony was seeing this expression on his face. Now, he understood that he wasn't exactly tired, he was weary. Tired of losing, maybe. Tired of being locked there. Or tired of having to repeat himself. Because that was it, wasn't it? The bad guys always think they're doing the right thing, don't they? And Loki had claimed again and again that he was doing what he had to do.

What was making him think that, Tony didn't know. Because if he was sure of something, it was that Loki was really believing what he was saying.

Tony sighed and stared at Loki for a moment.

"And do you regret disappointing people?"

Again, Loki glanced at Tony. He had disappointed people? But he had no one to disappoint. Certainly not this joke of a father that had disowned him and cast him out of Asgard. Not the parent that had cast him out on this frozen rock to begin with either. Good thing he had killed Laufey.

And not a brother that was better in every single way, who would be the mighty and worthy king. But not alone... Thor would not be alone, because he had his shadow. Yes, the shadow he would place his friends into would be even bigger than the one that had been covering Loki all those years...

Loki clenched his jaw as he kept staring at Tony. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to talk with Tony about it. Why would this guy want to talk to him in the first place? He had almost killed him. How stupid could he be? How desperate, how alone could he be to spend the night in front of this cell to talk about things he could not understand? Loki turned his head as he started at the wall.

"Aren't they better off this way? Disappointed but freed from my presence?" Loki asked, bitter. He wanted to laugh. They weren't disappointed, they were glad that he was away from them. Yes, he wanted to laugh, but he didn't feel like laughing. Despite everything he had done back in Asgard, and no matter the reason that had made him attack Earth, nothing had actually filled the whole inside of him. "Do you think Thor cares that I am here? He must be celebrating while we're talking."

Tony couldn't help but snort, which earned him an annoyed glance from Loki. He only smiled back.

"What is so amusing? Please, do share," Loki said coldly, looking at Tony from top to toe.

"Do you really think this is the way Thor acts?" Tony simply asked as he tried to see Loki's reaction. But he was staring at the wall next to him again and he couldn't see his eyes properly. He did see that his jaw was suddenly clenched, though. "I think he was honest, when he came down here, the other day. I really do think he misses you, I can see it when he speaks of you."

"Still so perceptive, aren't you?" Loki asked directly. Tony couldn't help but think he was acting like a child that didn't like what was said to him.

"You're just too stubborn to see how he feels about the situation. Because it always has to be about you, doesn't it? You, you, you, and how people perceive you, and how powerful you are." He clearly had Loki's fullest attention again, now. Loki was glaring at him, but Tony kept smiling and speaking quickly as he stood up, getting closer to the cell. "How better looking you would be on that throne, with all these people kneeling before you. Well, guess what, Princess, no one's gonna kneel before you here, you're just all alone in your little cell because you're not even allowed back to your world. So maybe you should try to stop looking in the mirror to see yourself with a crown, and actually look at your brother and see that some people deeply care abou-"

"ENOUGH!" As he yelled, Loki got up and was near the glass in a few strides.

For a split second, Tony thought he had seen fumes coming from Loki's fists. But he couldn't use his magic, not with what he had around his wrists. Thor had told them these bracelets would keep him from using his powers. It had probably just been a reflection of the light provoked by him standing up.

"You do not know anything about Thor!" Loki, jaw clenched and almost against the glass, took a deep breath through his gritted teeth. Then, he spoke more quietly, but also more coldly. "You fought once against him, once with him. This doesn't make you know the way he sees people. You do not know what it was like, growing up with him. He wasn't even here for himself in the first place, or his father wouldn't have sent him here."

Again, Tony smiled. He could see for a second that Loki looked disconcerted, but he regained some composure right away. He frowned, staring at Tony's expression.

"Here we are," Tony said so quietly that it was almost a whisper. "He wasn't there for himself... He was there for... How was it again... Frigga, right?"

Loki could tell that Tony was really asking, not mocking him. He forced himself to look right into Tony's eyes, he couldn't show anything else than confidence, than indignation and anger. Tony was still smiling, though. He didn't look fazed, he just kept examining Loki's face and gaze.

"Don't tell me you didn't disappoint her, now. I won't believe it."

Again, clearly, Tony was not mocking. Loki couldn't even frown anymore. He blinked and finally looked down, lips pursed.

"Don't you even regret it for her?"

Loki closed his eyes before he turned around and walked away. He slowly unclenched his fists as he stared at the floor.

"She-"

"Stop talking about her," Loki said curtly. Tony raised his eyebrows and slightly tilted his head on the side. "Do not talk about her..." He added even more quietly than before.

"You lost her," Tony continued. "She was the only person you would have loved to have by your side no matter your origins, despite the fact she never gave birth to you, wasn't she? And you lost her because of some stupid family feud? Because of some jealousy, some envy? Seriously, Loki, how ridiculous is this?" He didn't get any answer. "When you think about it, are you proud of yourself? Do you still think you did the right thing?"

"I did!" Loki said firmly as he turned again to face Tony. The genius could see the anger clearly displayed on his face, but he didn't do anything to try and act on it. He just kept glaring at Tony, like he was wishing that somehow, with the right amount of disdain, he could reduce him into pieces. "Why are you here?" Loki asked after a moment, too calmly for Tony. He thought he would hear him yell again, but he didn't.

Tony slowly shook his head as he got really close to the glass, putting his hand against it, some light appearing at this place.

"I just want to understand you," he let out in a breath. Loki blinked, not wanting to be fooled by the desperate expression on Tony's face. He took a first step forwards. "I need to understand why you've killed, why you've tried to-"

"I only acted this way to show what I have to be, what I was told to be all my life, what I should have been since the beginning!" With two other steps, he was right in front of Tony again. Even he became louder.

"And what was that? A killer? Where you told you had to destroy worlds, to take away people's lives? That it was your right? Were you raised to be a monster?"

"I WAS RAISED TO BE A KING!"

 

Even long after Loki's scream had faded away, Tony could still hear it in his ears. It was in his head, carved in his brain. He drank the rest of his whisky before putting the glass on the coffee table. But he kept his fingers around it as he stared at the scroll of parchment that was near it.

Since Thor's visit, he had wondered if he should give it to Loki.

Thor had explained that his mother couldn't directly come to visit Loki, no matter how much she wanted to. His father wouldn't allow it. But she needed to talk to Loki, to tell him something she had been telling him all his life, she needed to know how he was doing. So, she had written something for him. A letter, basically. Thor had explained that Loki would never accept something coming from him, and he was too hurt to even try that day.

So, he had asked Tony if there was a way for him to make Loki read it. But he still hadn't given it to the Asgardian. Why, he wasn't sure. He had told himself a few times that he was too busy to take care of it right away, but clearly, he wasn't too busy to visit him. So, he started to tell himself that he was sure Loki wouldn't believe it was really coming from his mother, especially if he was giving it to him after two weeks. That, like for Thor, he wouldn't accept something coming from him because he was too damn stubborn.

But in the end, he knew he had just been selfish. He knew that he just wanted to know more about Loki's relationship with his family before according him this treat. That he needed to know who was the problem in this story. It wasn't his mother, he was just aching badly because of her, because he didn't have her by his side anymore.

It wasn't even his brother, no matter how much he claimed hating Thor, now, Tony knew it was only a facade. No, he loved his brother, he had always loved him. He had been blinded by rage when he had tried to kill him, because of the revelations of that year, because despite all his efforts, he was still not being treated the same as Thor was, they weren't equal. And he loved him so much that it had hurt him even deeper.

It was his father, the real problem, Tony was sure of it now. From the beginning to his fall, it had been his father. It had all started because of him. But Tony wanted to know more. So much more. Now that he had been able to make Loki open up a little, no matter the way he had used to do so, he just wanted to know everything. Fine, his father was a problem for him, his brother hadn't helped along the way, but you couldn't just be so mad at someone for no reason. Tony just needed to find out more, but he couldn't that night. It wasn't so simple, and he doubted that after this outburst of rage, Loki would talk to him easily.


	4. Killing The Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it took me a really long time to update the story, I'm sorry but like I said, I'm really busy. I was done with at least three quarters of the chapter a week ago but then I did a lot of stuff not involving my computer, so I only wrote the rest not long ago, sorry about that.  
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter though and I'd like to thank you guys again for all the kudos. Feel free to leave a comment. :)

Loki was sitting on the floor of his cell, his back against the wall he was usually staring at, when he heard the doors being opened.

Being in this cell, it had been difficult to know when it was the day or the night. Loki didn't even know for how long he had been locked in there. He wouldn't ask anyone, though. First of all because of his pride. Secondly because he had no one he could ask about it anyway. He wasn't about to ask Stark when the guy was coming to see him.

If Loki was lucky enough -which he didn't feel like he was, by the way- that smartass would one day start talking so much that he would let that information slip. But he wasn't exactly counting on it. After all, Stark had stopped visiting him for a while, now. The last time he had come to see him, it had been the night he had come down and talked a bit about Loki's family. The only reason Loki thought it had been in the middle of the night had been because of Tony's clothes and face. He had been wearing what seemed to be his pajamas pants. Plus, he had been really pale, it had reminded Loki of his own skin tone. His eyes had been red, his hair really messy... It had looked like he was having an agitated night, and Loki still wasn't sure of the reason he had come to talk to him. But it hadn't been what had made him sure of the time, at that moment. It had only been a few hours since his last meal.

Loki had been able to start counting his own time. To kill the boredom, mainly. He had two meals a day, one during what he thought was the morning, and one during what he thought was the evening. It didn't exactly matter. Since he had nothing to do at all, he had spent a few days counting the time in between two visits of the person bringing the plates. He was usually leaving it in front of the cell, and then, a voice coming from... the ceiling? Someone was talking, asking him to stay away from the glass as it was making the food go inside the cell. It seemed like the plate was placed on a spot on the floor that could move. It was the only area of the floor that wasn't cut by the stairs, in a corner of the cell. When the voice was done talking, a little gap in the glass was made. Just large enough to enable the plate to go through it.

So, during a week, Loki had counted. The meals were always given to him with the same amount of time separating them. Exactly the exact same time. He knew the numbers of hours he was spending doing nothing between the meals.

He knew how many hours he had spent alone since the last time Stark had visited him.

It's not that it was important. It's just that he used to feel more bored before his visits. Then, the man had started showing some kind of interest in him, and even if it was killing him to admit it, Loki was finding Tony interesting. Someone with the intellectual level of a five-year-old could tell that Stark was more intelligent than anyone in that tower. And it was so rare for Loki to meet people like him. Even back on Asgard, you couldn't find such smart people everywhere. Pretty impressive, for a mortal.

All his life, Loki had been more interested in intellectual activities than in the fights his brother was taking a part of before leading them. Instead, he had always been hiding behind his books, spending countless hours in the library or reading late at night when he was supposed to be asleep. He had grown closer to his mother than to Odin, because he was sharing a lot of interests with her. He had then prided himself in the fact that she had taught _him_ her magic, while she hadn't taught Thor.

Growing up, he had quickly understood that it was just for him to have something more.

Because he had nothing special just for himself. Odin was teaching Thor how to fight, how to be a great warrior. But he wasn't teaching that to Loki.

He wasn't like his brother, he wasn't interested in fighting, he wasn't interested in celebrating the victories with everyone else.

He didn't have any friends other than Thor. He had learned how to be fine with the presence of Thor's friends, after a while, but he wasn't as popular as his brother. They were nice with him, but it wasn't the same. Sif had especially always been wary with him, Loki could tell.

He didn't used to care about those things when he was really young, about the differences separating him and Thor, really, until he realized that other people weren't always fine with that. Until he realized Odin wasn't. He didn't care until he really started to compare himself with his brother, because Thor was always favored by Odin. Loki had always known, always seen the gestures, the words Odin was giving Thor. Yes, he was giving him some love too, but it was different. There wasn't the same pride in his eyes than the one he had for Thor. It wasn't the same kind of tenderness, the same affection.

At first, Loki just didn't know how to process all these new information. And at the time, his mother was giving him more than enough love for both his parents. But later, he had obviously sought Odin's approval. And now, he didn't even know if it had been to prove a point to Odin, or to himself. And in the end, he never quite got the approval he had been longing for. So, surely, there was something wrong with him. There had been something wrong since the beginning.

Loki just never thought it would be something as horrible as the truth was. He would never have imagined such an origin story.

He was thinking about all of this when the doors were opened, and that Stark stepped in the room for the first time in one hundred and ninety-six hours. Eight days and four hours. If Tony had visited him in the middle of the night last time, and if his calculations were right -which they were, of course-, it was the early morning.

Loki had noticed this new habit some time after Tony's first few visits, when it became a more regular thing. He had stopped counting the time between two meals and was instead counting the time between these visits. Again, they weren't important. Just entertaining, in a way.

Maybe that's why he had tried to lure the mortal back in the room. Because he had been waiting for his distraction for too long, now. He had thought about it and was almost certain the voice had said something about his behavior to Tony. He hoped it had annoyed the man.

Loki kept staring in front of him for a few seconds, before he finally slowly glanced at Tony. The mortal had already stopped up the steps, his hands behind his back.

"You haven't been here in a while," he simply said, not getting up.

"Let me guess," Tony quickly said before pointing at Loki with an amused grin, pleasing Loki because of the promise of an entertaining moment. "You missed me."

Loki narrowed his eyes before rolling them. Still, he didn't hide his amusement. Tony did hear him chuckle. It had been quiet, it had been short and clearly kind of dismissive. But he had laughed.

Maybe Tony should have come back earlier. The genius shook his head and sat on the steps as Loki glanced at him once again.

"I've got this for you," Tony said, showing the scroll of parchment he had been hiding behind his back. Loki frowned slightly. Tony didn't need any other indication to know that Loki wasn't getting it. How could he? "Thor told me this is from your mother," he explained. As soon as he did, he saw Loki's change of posture.

It was probably invisible for someone without a trained eye, but it hadn't been for Tony. He knew he had Loki's full attention. The Asgardian had slightly straightened when he had heard the word "mother" coming from Tony's mouth. He had given the scroll a very quick glance before meeting Tony's eyes, his fingers had stopped moving and he was breathing more slowly, because he was breathing more deeply. But his gaze and his frown were also showing something else. He was looking at Tony defiantly.

Tony craned his neck a little as he stared down at the god.

"I didn't read it, if that's what's worrying you." And that probably was, since Loki seemed to relax a little bit already.

Tony wasn't sure he was understanding everything. Loki couldn't usually be read, not even by Thor, his brother, the guy he had grown up with. Yet, a few times, Tony had been able to understand what Loki was really thinking while saying something else, he could see if something was bothering him. He wasn't stupid, he knew that it was only because Loki was letting him see it. And that day, Loki was like an open book. At least, for now.

Tony wondered if it was because he was tired. After all, he must have lost some energy with his recent behavior. But did a god even needed to rest? To eat? Was it indispensable for him? Tony didn't want to talk about that at the moment. First, he wanted to finish this.

"He gave it to me when he came to see you a few weeks ago." Again, Loki frowned.

"And you did not give it to me," he said. Some kind of aggressiveness could be heard in his voice. "Tell me why." Tony raised an eyebrow. This wasn't a question of any kind, it was an order. He didn't like it.

"Because I don't trust you," he said more coldly. "And let's be real, you don't exactly deserve it."

Loki stared at him for a few seconds before looking away.

There was a long moment of silence. It wasn't awkward, they didn't feel bad about it. They were both thinking. Loki was staring at the floor and Tony was staring at Loki. The god was paler than usual, red around the eyes but not because he had cried, at least Tony didn't believe so. It was probably more of sleep deprivation. He knew it because he had seen his face looking like that more than once. So, did Loki need to sleep? Had he also stopped doing that? Questions were burning Tony's tongue, he needed to know why he was acting this way. But he needed patience with the Asgardian, he knew it.

"Thor told me she's the only reason you're still alive," Tony said more quietly. Loki blinked and looked like he was about to look at him. But he stopped midway and his gaze drifted to his own hands instead. "Is that true?"

At first, Loki didn't answer. He just raised his head and looked at the wall opposite him for a few seconds. Then, he spoke as quietly as Tony.

"With the crimes I have committed, I should not be alive. So, it certainly is the truth," he started to explain. Odin had said so during his trial, so Loki knew that his mother had still some kind of affection for him in spite of everything.

Tony hadn't expected him to explain the situation so easily, so he stayed quiet. Even if most of the time he loved the sound of his own voice, he knew when things were important, when he had to shut up. If he wanted to know everything he wanted about Loki, he knew it was this kind of time.

"Odin, to nobody's surprise I suppose, at least not to mine, was against it," he said. That's when Tony noticed that he couldn't tell anymore what kind of mood Loki was in.

Again, his expression was unfathomable. He had started to hide his true feelings, he wouldn't let Tony see what talking about his adoptive father was making him feel like. Tony knew it was more to protect himself than anything. His pride was getting in the way.

"But he can never say no to her," Loki continued. He repressed a faint smile as he thought about his mother. "Still," he then continued, looking up at Tony. "My survival came with a price," he said as he raised his fists, showing the bracelets around his wrists.

"No magic," Tony said quietly. Loki gave him a strained smile.

"No magic," he repeated, bitter. "And of course, I am not allowed to go back to Asgard. Instead, I have to spend my eternity here. And I can't see her." The last phrase had come out more quietly, almost in a whisper, like he hadn't wanted to say it to Tony. Or that he hoped he wouldn't hear it.

Tony only slowly nodded, not wanting to interrupt anything. But Loki didn't seem to want to talk about it anymore. He looked away at first, then closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall behind him as he breathed deeply, trying to push Frigga's face out of his head. He didn't like to think about her, it wasn't making him feel good. About himself, about the situation... He just didn't like it.

"And JARVIS told me you haven't eaten what we were giving you this last couple of days." That was it, that what was had driven Tony back there, or at least Loki thought there was a chance it was.

After all, he had stopped eating on purpose, out of boredom. He couldn't do a lot and he had hoped that maybe, Stark would be aware of the situation and come back. If he was coming back, Loki would be entertained for at least a few minutes, and Tony would waste his time for a few minutes.

How pathetic. Loki couldn't help but found his plan stupid. Maybe his incarceration was making him become crazy. Or he wouldn't want a mortal's company to kill the time. But at least, he had the company of one of the only mortal whose intelligence was matching his.

Loki only glanced at Tony, an eyebrow raised. Stark only pointed the ceiling with his finger and Loki understood that it was the name of the voice he was hearing and that was controlling some things in this tower. Loki gave Tony a little smile, looking amused.

"Let me guess, you're worried," he said. This time, Tony was the one who chuckled. He was about to reply sarcastically but in the end, he didn't. He just looked down at the parchment again before he put it next to him on the step. "Well, do not worry. I am a god and not only the amount of food you are giving me is insufficient, but I can survive without it for longer than you mortals. If I were about to die because of this, you would know it."

Tony tilted his head on the side as he stared at the Asgardian, thinking. He then sighed and smiled back.

"Yeah, you can't escape this punishment, can you?"

Loki considered Tony during a moment before looking at him straight in the eyes.

"If I am to spend the rest of my eternity in this cell, the best thing you can do is assure I cannot escape, isn't it? Is this what you are trying to know, still?" Tony frowned slightly. "Is it not why you are here, why you are talking to me? To see how I act. Or maybe just to see if this situation, that was forced on you, is safe for you and your friends?" Tony only shrugged. It had been a while since he had stopped thinking about Loki escaping, he trusted his equipment. His nightmares were the only thing making him think about it, late at night. But yes, he was there to see how he was acting, and to discover more about him.

"If you had any way of escaping, you would have used it already, right?" Tony asked with a smile. Loki glanced at the bracelets around his wrists before glancing at Tony. This time, he let his faint smile appear as he met the genius' eyes.

"Right."

Tony took the parchment in his hands again and he stared at it for a few seconds before standing up.

"It looks like Frigga cares a lot about you. I like to believe you've been a good son to her at some point," he said, glancing at the god. Loki seemed amused, but also a bit irritated.

"Did you believe all along that I have always been rotten on the inside?" He then asked, sounding softer. Tony slightly frowned. Loki had used this tone already with him, that tone that was making him sound like he had never done anything wrong in his life. He only shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't know you enough for that. It's not like you're giving me anything to work on," he said quickly, and Loki just stared for another moment. Then, he looked at Tony from top to toe, as he often did.

"Keep in mind that a lot of things happen for a reason," Loki let out quietly before looking away.

"Would you tell me about your reasons, if I were to come down here more often?" Tony quickly asked. Loki raised an eyebrow but didn't look at the man.

"What would I get in exchange?" he asked. But it was just to say something, really. He didn't want to say that he wouldn't talk to him about his life, because then Tony probably wouldn't come back at all. And by asking this, he wasn't making any promises.

Tony stared at Loki for a moment before glancing at the parchment. Then, his gaze drifted to the glass in front of him and slowly, he put his hand against it. Soon enough, his hand was scanned and the same keyboard from the last time appeared. Loki kept staring at Tony, eyebrows raised, wondering what he was going to do this time. Reduce his space again? Instead, and staying silent, Tony quickly typed something on the keyboard and waited.

"Sir, I believe your command-"

Loki glanced at the ceiling but Tony kept staring at him.

"Just open it, JARVIS," he said impatiently, interrupting the AI. Loki glanced at Tony again and, right next to the keyboard, the glass moved. Slowly, an opening was created. It had the size of a door, and Tony stood in front of it. He didn't walk in the cell and Loki didn't get up, he didn't try anything. They just kept staring at each other before Tony finally swung his hand forward to throw the parchment in Loki's direction. Loki looked at it as it landed on the floor and rolled towards his feet.

"Not a word," Tony said, still staring at Loki's face. The Asgardian gave him a glance, his face still down. Stark didn't have to precise that he was talking about the rest of the Avengers. Tony wasn't supposed to open the cell, obviously. That was basically suicide. But he also knew that Loki didn't have his powers. The door was already being closed in front of him, Loki wouldn't have the time to reach him.

Still, it had been pretty reckless. But somehow, he knew Loki wouldn't try anything. The god was looking at the scroll again. He still hadn't taken it, he wasn't moving, clearly waiting for Tony to leave in order to do so.

"You have mine," he simply said. Tony stared for a moment and finally, he turned around to leave Loki alone.

 

When Tony stepped out of the elevator and into the workshop, he almost ran into Bruce.

"Going somewhere?" Tony asked as he walked past his friend.

"Were you- Were you just-" Bruce asked, looking at the elevator then at Tony again. The genius, still walking in the room, just turned his head to look at Bruce.

"You know, finishing what you're saying will probably help me if I am to give you an answer," he said before stopping in front of one of the computers. Nothing followed, Tony only heard Bruce's footsteps getting closer. He didn't mind, he started to check the plan he had been working on to upgrade his suits as Bruce stopped next to him.

"JARVIS," Tony said as he pointed to the stereo. "You know I don't like to work in silence," he said.

"Not now, JARVIS, please," Bruce then said, getting Tony's attention. He raised his eyebrows, finally looking at the scientist.

"What is it with you? Weren't you about to leave?" He asked before looking at the screen again, touching it with both his forefingers to zoom on the suit's arm.

"I was going to check if Loki was still in his cell," Bruce said calmly. Tony stopped moving for a second before he kept looking at his project.

"Of course, he's still there," he simply said, slightly shaking his head.

"Yes, I bet you know if he's there. You were with him when the cell was opened, weren't you?" Finally, he got a glance from Tony.

"He didn't try to escape, alright? I'm the one who opened it. I closed it right away, don't worry," he just explained. Bruce sighed.

"Why are you acting like this is normal? Why on Earth would you open this cell?" Bruce asked. Tony rolled his eyes, not looking at him anymore.

"Thor asked me to give him a letter, the last time he was there. I just did it now, it's not a big deal."

"You didn't have to open it to do that, there are other ways. Why would you take such a risk?" Tony didn't answer. He didn't know what to say, really, he didn't know why he had done it.

It was true, he could have put it where they were usually placing his food. Instead, he had taken the risk, mostly to see what Loki would do.

"You should stop visiting him, Tony." Bruce was quieter, like he was tired of Tony's behavior. He had been acting weird since the Chitauri invasion. Bruce understood that it had taken him some time to recover, but then with his break-up and the sleepless nights he was sometimes spending in the workshop, Bruce had been worried again. And since he had started visiting Loki, it had just become worse.

"I'm a grown ass man, am I not? I know what I'm doing," Tony said more curtly.

"Well maybe you know what you're doing and maybe I want to believe you, but maybe Steve is not going to when he will start asking questions about all of this," Bruce said quickly. Tony frowned again, looking over at Bruce. "He was there when the computer notified us that the cell was opened. Even I didn't know if you were there or if Loki was actually escaping. So you can imagine his reaction."

Tony blinked and looked away for half a second. Then, he looked at the computer again, acting like he wasn't bothered by all of this.

"What did you tell him?" He asked, trying to sound as calm and uninterested as possible.

"The notification was gone so fast after it arrived that I figured you had something to do with it. Or at least I hoped so, I don't even know Tony, you should just stop what you're doing," Bruce said, shaking his head and walking around the table to face Tony through the screen. Bruce waited to meet his eyes. "I told him it was happening every time he was having his meals, that it was nothing to worry about. But we both know it only ever happens when the cell is actually opened," he then said more quietly. Tony directly smiled.

"You want me to stop and yet, you cover me," he said quickly, quite satisfied.

"But I don't want to keep covering you for this kind of things, Tony, it's not safe. What if you pull something like that again and that he escapes?"

"But I made sure he wouldn't, do you think I'm stupid? He doesn't even have any powers anymore, he hasn't eaten in days, I think he doesn't even sleep lately, even if he had tried to do anything, he wouldn't have been able to reach-"

"You don't know that!" Bruce said a bit more loudly, surprising Tony. "You don't know what he's doing, maybe it's on purpose. He's a god, you don't even know if he's weakened by all of this! I don't know what game you're playing at, or if he was just talented enough to drive you to do this, but this has got to stop." Bruce closed his eyes when he saw Tony's smile coming back.

"I like it when you're angry, Doc," he said. Bruce shook his head and walked around the table again. But he didn't stop near Tony, he just kept walking towards the elevator as Tony turned around. "Really, it's giving me goosebumps," Tony said, still smiling, passing a hand on one of his arms. "Come on, don't leave me alone after this, what am I gonna do?"

Bruce stepped in the elevator and turned.

"If you do something like that again, Tony, I'll have to inform the others," he said before he pressed a button to go up. "We'll have to move him somewhere else."

Tony watched as the doors closed behind the scientist. He lost his smile instantly and let out a heavy sigh.

"JARVIS," he said as he faced his computer again. "Do me a favor."

 

Later that day, sitting on his bed, and after he had read his mother's letter again and again and again, countless of times really, Loki looked up from the parchment when he heard JARVIS talking, asking him to stay away from the glass. He hadn't even noticed that someone had brought his food. He blinked and watched the plate being driven in the cell, the gap in the glass being closed automatically after that. He frowned, staring at the food.

He finally put down the scroll and he got up, walking towards the plate, hands behind his back.

A little crooked smile appeared on his face as he noticed the amount of food on the plate. There was more than the usual amount. He knew why. He took a deep breath and he looked at the glass for a moment. Stark was really interesting.


	5. Quality Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank your for the kudos and comments guys, I really, really, /really/ appreciate all of them.  
> This one took me less time to write but is longer than the last one, somehow. I really wanted to write them finally... Not bonding (well, kind of), but you know. Well, you'll know when you'll read the chapter I guess. I hope you will like it! -I was supposed to post it yesterday tbh but it was past midnight when I started to write the last conversation and I wanted to be well rested to write it properly because it gets "deep". ê.ê-  
> About the shitty drawing in the beginning, it's just so you guys have some kind of visual ok. I'm not even gonna use the excuse of "i haven't used my tablet in months and i'm shitty with perspective anyway", even though it's the case, because I did this in like 2 minutes just so you guys could understand better how's the room with the cell, or at least that part of the room, because I feel like I can't describe anything properly. So it's just to be sure you guys get what's going on when Tony comes back with a box -damn, spoiler- Also, obviously Loki's cell is bigger than that, it doesn't stop at the corner you see on the right, I only used it as a reference.

 

 

As often, Tony woke up soaked by his own sweat. Lying on his right side, near the edge of the mattress and clunching his pillow under his head, he had suddenly opened his eyes as he had stopped breathing for a moment. He blinked, not wanting to fill his lungs again.

He could still feel Yisen's hand in his chest and he knew that moving it up and down to breathe would only increase the uncomfortable feeling that was ruling his body at that exact moment.

But in the end, he had no other choice. He let out what was left in his lungs and slowly, he took a long and deep intake of air. It was awful. Lately, he had dreamt a lot about what had happened with the Chitauri, less about Afghanistan. But it was still somewhere in his mind, taunting him during some nights like the one he just had.

He closed his eyes for a second before he finally released his pillow. Then, he rolled on his back and forced himself to sit up on his bed as he looked around the room. He felt a shiver going down his spine and he slowly moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He then slowly put his hand against his chest, massaging it near the reactor. Just thinking about it... He closed his eyes again and shook his head, his fingers stopping on the Arc Reactor. After a sigh, he looked up.

"JARVIS, are you up?" He asked. Right after that, the lights flickered and soon enough, the room was illuminated, making him narrow his eyes. "Morning," he said quickly before JARVIS could say anything.

"Good morning, sir," JARVIS directly responded. "Although I would like to point out that it is the middle of the night."

"Yes, well," Tony sighed as he stood up. He sure as hell didn't want to go back to sleep. "It's also time to work."

 

He could remember exactly how it had been. The size of the cave, the smell there was in it, the weight of the battery he was carrying around, the muffled sounds that were around him when his face was maintained under water... The pain in his chest. All of this was so clear in his memory. Sometimes, when he was welding something in his workshop, the scent of the metal was transporting him back there. Some other times, the noise Steve's shield was making when it was hitting something was reminding him of the sound of his hammer colliding with the metal of his soon-to-be armor at the time.

"Tony. Tony!"

Startled, Tony turned his head to look at Natasha.

"Are you ok?" She asked, looking a bit concerned. "What is it?"

Tony blinked before frowning, slowly turning his head to look at the people around the table. They were all looking at him, expecting him to say something. Uncomfortable, he quickly regained his composure.

"I was just thinking, sorry. Please, continue," he said quickly, glancing at Steve.

Still, Tony couldn't really bring himself to listen to him. He was annoyed with himself, at that point, if he had to be honest. He didn't like to let all of his memories take the upper hand. He could barely remember what had happened that morning.

Easily looking like nothing was bothering him, faking to listen carefully, he looked at his colleagues, his gaze stopping on Bruce. They still weren't talking. Tony knew Bruce had come to the workshop early that morning. Tony had already been in there for a few hours, at that point. His music had been filling the room, loud, covering the noise of his work. And when Bruce came in, he didn't ask Tony to stop it. He actually didn't talk to Tony at all, clearly still a bit disturbed by their argument.

In the end, JARVIS had been the one stopping the music and telling them that they were both needed. Tony was pretty sure he would have felt awkward in the elevator if he hadn't been lost in his thoughts once again.

And then...

He glanced at the two large guns on the table.

There had been an attack and they were now debriefing. The weapons that had been used could be really dangerous, Tony knew it. It wasn't his technology but it was something similar, something that was trying to approach his own inventions. It was far from what he could do, obviously, but it was still impressive.

He had been able to explain quickly the way the weapons were working and what damages they could have created if they hadn't intervened in time.

They had been able to arrest the people using those weapons but they had made clear that it wasn't everything they got. Something was being prepared and they didn't know what it could be. The events had happened not far away from the tower and it seemed to be more like a test. Like they wanted to see what they could do with the weapons.

Tony had taken care of one of the guy, while he knew Steve had arrested the other. But he hadn't been as focused as he could have been, and he couldn’t remember much. Bruce hadn't joined in the battle, they didn't want to cause any more damage. Natasha and Clint had been helping too but Tony couldn't even tell what they had done exactly.

He just remembered getting one of the bad guys out of the building and seeing Steve with the other one. He remembered screams from civilians, injured people. Three people were dead.

He sighed and watched the others standing up when the meeting was over.

"I suggest we all get some rest," Steve said, glancing at the weapons again. "Tony, don't forget to take care of this as soon as you can."

Tony quickly looked at Steve and nodded, waiting for him to leave. He stared at the weapons, not sure about what he was talking about. He was starting to get lost in his thoughts again, sure that he was alone, when Bruce sat in front of him, crossing his arms and leaning a bit on the table.

"He meant that you need to take these to the workshop to see if you can find where they come from and how they were built," he said with a soft smile on his face. Tony blinked.

"I know," he then said, looking at the guns again. He didn't know, actually. But he was sure he could have figured it out. He hadn't expected Bruce to come and talk to him directly, but he didn't mind, he couldn't really bring himself to do it anyway. If Bruce had tried to come and talk earlier that day, he would have snapped. But there, he was just really tired. He glanced at Bruce again.

The scientist was usually avoiding conflicts as much as he could. The only time Tony actually thought he would end up turning into The Hulk for another reason than a mortal threat in the city had been because of the scepter. It had been influencing them all at the time. They had started fighting and Bruce had been exposed to the scepter for a longer time than any of them.

Tony had thought about it. If, in a few hours, Bruce could start to lose his temper this way, had Loki been affected by that power? He had had that thing in his hands for a long time. Who knew how long exactly besides him. Was it why he seemed to be more reasonable, now?

"Why did you react like that?" Tony asked as he looked at Bruce. "Yesterday, I mean," he added. He was about to keep talking when he closed his mouth, being interrupted by Bruce.

"I know what you meant," he answered quietly. He was still smiling at Tony and they looked at each other for a moment before Tony crossed his arms as he leaned back.

"It's just... You never yell, you don't even speak louder than anyone. It's just that-" Finding the words was difficult. He liked to avoid having to deal with his feelings every time he could, and he didn't like not understanding something. So, this conversation was definitely something he would have liked to avoid. "I wouldn't want you to hulk out in the middle of my workshop just because I talk to a guy in a cell, you know what I mean?"

"I'm just worried for you," Bruce said.

"But I told you, he's not manip-"

"That's not it," Bruce interrupted him. He interlaced his fingers on the table and looked at his hands for a moment. "It's not about Loki, it's not about you talking to him, it's about you... doing unconsidered things."

"Nothing I do is uncon-"

"Tony. Please," Bruce said, sounding a bit tired. Tony shut up, closed his mouth and turned his head to look away. His leg was starting to jump a little and he was tapping the table with one of his fingers, his lips in a thin line. "Have you even eaten anything since Rhodes came yesterday?"

Tony frowned a little.

"We ran into each other in the elevator," Bruce explained. "He had take-outs. He told me you were going to spend the night together, apparently it's been a while."

It had been a while, yes. Rhodes was his best friend, he had been for such a long time and they had gone through a lot of things together. Tony could clearly remember the moment they had found him back in Afghanistan. How James had run towards him, how, exhausted, he had let himself fall in his arms.

And now Rhodes was as worried as Bruce, even more so. Because Tony had been avoiding being around the others too much, even around Rhodes, not even intentionally. He just couldn't push himself to spend his free-time with everyone. But that evening had been great. They had laughed about a lot of things, drank, watched a movie, laughed some more... Then James left, Tony went to bed and he had his nightmares.

So what if he hadn't eaten breakfast because he wasn't feeling good at all? Plus, with the intervention in the city, he had skipped lunch, but it was still the afternoon, he could eat something if he wanted to. He just hadn't thought about it. So, he shrugged.

"Not really, no. Not yet," he said as he shrugged. "I ate some snacks in the workshop while I was working, I'm fine."

"Yeah, of course. That's because I put that food there. Because Pepper told me to do so. She told me you forget to eat all the time. I didn't believe her at first but..." Tony frowned a little, almost certain he had been the one storing food in some places down there. He met Bruce's eyes for a moment before he sighed. Maybe he hadn't put it there. "I'm not here to reproach you anything... But since the invasion... You're not taking care of yourself, you're drinking again, you're not eating much, you work day and night. Do you even sleep? It's like on the battle field. You have very little to... no regard for your own safety. That's not... I'm not the only one who noticed your behavior lately." And as he saw Tony open his mouth again, he raised his hand. "Again, I'm not talking about Loki, they don't know. It's just about you."

And Tony closed his mouth again. He looked away and thought about what he had just heard. He clenched his jaw for a moment, his leg still jumping quickly. Bruce probably didn't even know about his nightmares, about his anxiety.

"But if you really want to talk about Loki, since he's the only thing on your mind and that you're just going to ignore everything I've just said, he's not just a guy in a cell and you know it. You know my views on this. I don't think you need me to repeat everything."

"No, I don't," Tony said quickly, looking at Bruce again. He wanted to let it all out, to tell him about how he almost died, how after that his girlfriend left him, how much everything he had lived was still haunting him, if he could he would even tell him about how he felt growing up, how he felt when he learned about his parents’ death, how alone he had always thought he was. But Bruce wouldn't understand.

Ok, maybe it was selfish to think Bruce couldn't. After all, he also had to go through a lot of stuff. But Tony didn't see the point in being selfless, there.

Instead of telling him anything about all of this, he stood up, taking the two large guns in his hands. Bruce stood up right after him.

"Don't go make things complicated... You know how the team feels about him, you know Clint's still very angry that we've got him in the tower... And you know his nickname. So why don't you just... There's books about their stories, you could read them, see for yourself what he's worth. What he did in the past, what they all did in the past. You'd learn about him without actually having to talk to him."

Tony stopped moving as he glanced at Bruce. He then slowly looked down at the table.

"I don't want to learn about him with books, with stories written by who knows who," he said quietly, meeting Bruce's eyes again. "That's not the same as... Maybe that's how you work, but that's not how I deal with this kind of stuff. I'm trying to get him to talk to me about all of this, reading about him would only ruin what I'm doing."

"Alright," Bruce said quietly as he walked around the table. Tony stared at him. The scientist stopped in front of Tony and slowly reached for one of the weapons. "Let me help you with that," he said before meeting Tony's eyes. They stared at each other for a moment. Did Bruce finally decided to give in? That'd be good.

So, Tony only nodded, and they left the conference room to go to the workshop together.

 

Tony didn't leave the workshop for the rest of the day. Even if Steve had talked about resting, he wasn't feeling like it. It didn't matter if he hadn't slept that night, he used this time to talk with Bruce and take care of those weapons. And when Bruce asked him if he would be eating with the rest of the team, Tony agreed. He couldn't remember the last time he had joined them, but he had a great time.

It was only later that he got in the elevator, a glass in one hand, blueberries in the other. He ate another one before stepping out, kept them in his fist as he typed the code to open the doors and he walked in the huge room.

Loki was, again, sitting against the same wall. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts, he hadn't even noticed Tony, which was weird. Loki was really aware of everything. Tony had noticed the way his eyes were moving most of the time; Loki was very attentive to everything, to every movement, every word.

He walked towards the cell in silence and sat down on the top step as he took a sip of his drink. Nothing unusual, if it wasn't for Loki's behavior. He wasn't looking at the wall on the other side of the room, or at his hands or at the floor, he was looking at the ceiling. At first, Tony had thought the Asgardian was staring in front of him but now that he was closer and that he could see his eyes, he was clearly looking up. He couldn't read the expression on his face.

It only reminded him of their first talk in this room. Just right before he left, Tony had seen Loki's expression. At the time, he had thought that he was indeed trying to mess with him, to make him feel bad in some way, but now, Tony wasn't sure anymore. He didn't know what was going through Loki's brain and sometimes, he was wondering if he was actually saner than before, or if it had become worse.

"Loki," he ended up calling after a minute. He didn't react. Tony took this time to glance at his cell. As always, his bed was done. He wondered if Loki was using it, or if he was just doing it when waking up. All he could say was that he didn't seem to be as tired as the last time he came to see him. He was still very pale, but looking at his eyes, he seemed to be more rested.

And Tony also saw the parchment on the bed. He craned his neck to see better. It was on his bed, unrolled. He glanced at Loki again, wondering if he was thinking about Frigga. He cleared his throat and called a little bit louder. "Loki."

And finally, after a few other seconds, Loki blinked. His gaze slowly drifted to the wall in front of him as his expression became blank and slowly, he glanced at Tony. Their eyes met briefly but Loki soon looked away again. Tony wasn't sure how to start the conversation, this time. Loki didn't seem to be in the mood to talk. Actually, he didn't seem to be in the mood to do anything. Tony could only understand how depressed he probably was. He didn't know if he should feel any sympathy for the man, but seeing him in this cell...

He looked down at his drink and after a few seconds, he glanced at Loki.

"How are you feeling, today?" He asked quietly. Should he feel guilty about this? Bruce had told him times and times he shouldn't get close to him. But they weren't close, were they? And was it the only reason he was doing it for? Just because Bruce had told him not to? After all, that day, Bruce hadn't argued about that.

He saw Loki's quick and curious glance, but he didn't say anything at first. He waited to see if Loki would answer. The Asgardian slowly moved, using one hand against the wall to help himself. Once he was standing on his bare feet, he looked at Tony again.

"Why, I am doing great," he sarcastically said. Tony gave him a little smile, still observing him. He was finding the Asgardian less intimidating with every visit. Maybe it was the lack of leather, helmet and scepter, who knew.

"You know, I feel like talking to someone would do you some good," Tony said, clearly aware that he should probably follow his own advice. But hey, he wasn't about to become completely insane, he wasn't locked in this kind of cell. Loki let out a faint laugh as he approached.

"I still don't see why I should tell _you_ anything," he said quietly. Tony tilted his head as he put his fist full of blueberries against his chest.

"Ouch," he said with a smile. "That's not very nice," he added, standing up as well and eating another blueberry. "I gave you the letter. I bring you more food than before. I'm trying to... Improve your situation. Don't you see that? I'm working on it, so you should at least be a bit more... I don't know, considerate?" He was speaking quietly, just a bit quickly. He knew he could make Loki talk, he was sure of it.

The only reason the god was still saying that he wouldn't talk was to buy some time. And that was why, again, he was now only staring at Tony. Because he wasn't trusting him.

"You know, I was even thinking about letting you reply to your mother. How about that?"

"Why would you?" Loki asked as he narrowed his eyes. This time, he had answered directly and quickly.

"Well, I wouldn't want you to go berserk on all of us if you snap one day."

Quiet, Loki slowly joined his hands behind his back and he turned around, walking away but still listening to whatever Tony had to say.

"They all think you're crazy already. Thor doesn't share their opinion... Well, not exactly. And... I don't either. I mean... You look more sane than you were the first time we met. But I don't believe you being locked here the way you are, without anything, is the solution to keep you this way."

"So, you are doing this only to protect yourself."

"Not me," Tony said quietly. He didn't really care, he had sacrificed himself against the Chitauri, he had just been lucky to survive. He stared at Loki who was still slowly walking around the cell. "Like I said when we met, you can be sure we will always be there to fight you, no matter the cost or how crazy your actions are, this time. So, if I can avoid having you losing it, I will."

Loki finally stopped near his bed, his back facing Tony. The genius could see his fingers holding his other hand tightly and he looked at the back of his head, waiting for him to say something.

"Actually, I will have you known that I would have had a harder time if I were to be punished on Asgard," he finally said. Tony noticed how he was avoiding what Tony had said, his remarks about his mental state. But he decided to not say anything about it.

"Really?" He asked, a bit skeptical. He was the king's son; would his punishment be worse than what he had now? After all, Tony knew he had avoided the death sentence thanks to his mother, so it wasn't that surprising, really.

"Are you really going to provide me with something to write back to her?" Loki then asked, changing the subject once again. He was still not facing Tony and the genius tilted his head on the side, considering Loki for a moment.

"Sure. I can go and get it now if you want."

Finally, Loki turned around. It was his turn to look at Tony. Clearly, he still wasn't trusting him and was probably trying to decide if he should accept the offer.

Was Tony going to read his answer? Was he ever going to be able to send it? How was he going to do that? Loki was aware of his mother's letter on his bed, right behind him. Unanswered. It had been weeks since Thor had given it to Tony. And now, he had had the time to read it over and over again. He needed to communicate with her, but Tony would never be able to make him do that. He couldn't reach Asgard in any way. Was it worth it?

Slowly, Loki inclined his head to show his approval, his eyes now fixed on the floor.

Without another word, Tony turned around to disappear behind the doors again.

When he didn't come back, Loki didn't like the feeling in his chest. Actually, he wasn't sure for how long Tony had left the room, but it was too long for him. He had accepted, and at that point, Tony was probably clearly aware that Frigga was one of his weaknesses.

He clenched his jaw as he turned away from the door. Staring at it wouldn't make Tony come back with what he needed. He was certainly messing with him. How could he blame him, really, he had thrown the man through a window. But still. He was frustrated.

Loki walked towards his bed and sat on it, glancing at the letter next to him. Just looking at it was breaking his heart. He slowly moved one of his hands, his fingers pulling the parchment towards him, his eyes going over the cursive on the scroll once again. But this time, he didn't read the letter, he just looked at it, at his mother's handwriting, at that parchment she must have taken from the library. And he felt nostalgic. He hated that feeling.

He closed his eyes for a second, reminiscing his first visit of the library with his mother. He stayed like that for a minute, maybe, he couldn't tell. Then, teeth gritted, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. He slowly turned his head to stare at the doors. After a few seconds, like he had sensed, they opened and Tony walked in the room again. Finally.

Still, Loki frowned. What was he doing with this box in his hands? He only needed some paper. He stood up, still looking at the mortal in front of the cell.

"Sorry it took me so long," Tony quickly said, walking towards the stairs. Loki followed his movements with his eyes as Tony stopped when he reached the corner of the cell they were using to give him his food. That's where he put the box, just a few feet away from the glass. "I found some stuff on my way and I thought I would use this time to move it here," he explained. Loki stayed silent, he only tilted his head on the side as he approached the glass. From the box, Tony took some sheets of paper, a pen and finally, an envelope.

No matter how tall he was, even when craning his neck, Loki couldn't see what was in the box. So, he only focused on Tony who was approaching the cell. Since that specific place wasn't cut by the stairs, he decided to sat on it, just next to the glass. His back was against the wall and his feet were on the last step. Despite that, it seemed like Tony wouldn't have minded being able to move his legs. Loki didn't know what kind of day he had had but he clearly seemed to be energized. His eyes were moving fast, probably not as fast as he was thinking, and he seemed to be muttering things to himself as he inspected the papers to make sure nothing was written on any of them. He then looked at the glass.

"JARVIS, can you open the cell?" He asked as he knocked on the cell with his forefinger, some blue light appearing where he was knocking.

Soon enough, there was an opening in the cell. The same that was made to let his food come in. But instead of a plate, Tony pushed the papers through the gap in the glass, the pen and the envelope being on top of them.

"I don't know if you will write a lot, but your mother's letter seemed kind of long. So, use what you need," he said, pointing at the papers and finally looking at Loki again. The god stared at Tony for a second, quite surprised by his casual behavior. But he didn't exactly mind. He approached the glass and squatted down next to the little pile of paper. He carefully took the pen and the envelope in one hand, the other taking the sheets. He didn't stand up right away. Instead, he glanced at Tony, who was still looking at him, and then his gaze drifted on the box. "Don't worry about that. Please, write," he said, giving Loki a smile.

Weird. Loki raised an eyebrow and finally stood up before he glanced at the gap. It still wasn't closed. Whatever. He turned around and walked towards his bed to sit again. Tony watched him as he did. If his first approach wasn't working, maybe he directly had to show Loki that he wasn't wary. As well as annoyed.

They didn't have to be cold with each other all the time. Tony was sure that if he was trying to be more friendly, Loki might relax a little. That's all Tony needed, for him to relax. For him to know that what he was doing wasn't to get information for the team, or to make sure he wasn't trying to escape.

Actually, he had prepared what Loki needed to write that morning, but when he went to get the stuff, he had walked in front of one of his bookshelves. After thinking that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, he had taken more things than paper.

He looked at the box and stretched his arm to grab it, pulling it towards him. When he glanced at Loki again to see if he was writing, he saw that the prisoner was staring. Tony slightly frowned and waved his hand in his direction.

"Go on, write," he said. Loki blinked.

"Are you not going to go away?" He then finally asked.

"Would you want me to leave?" Tony said directly. Again, curious, Loki glanced at the box. Meeting Tony's eyes again, he shrugged and got comfortable to start writing.

Seeing that Loki wasn't minding his presence anymore, Tony looked at the box again. He got the chess plate out of it and put it on the floor on his left, just in front of the opening in the glass. Then, he got the pieces and started to put them properly on the plate. It's only when he was done that he pushed the plate in the gap. He stopped when one half of it was in the cell, while the other one was on his side.

And then, he waited. It looked like Loki had to say as much as Frigga. But Tony could be patient when he needed to. Besides, he had his tablet in the box. He took it out to keep working while waiting.

He didn't even notice that Loki was done. Busy on the tablet, he heard Loki clearing his throat. When he looked up at the cell, he saw Loki standing in front of the glass, the envelope in his hands. Tony glanced at it. It was thick.

"You're done?" Tony asked, even if he didn't have to. It was more to be polite than anything.

"I suppose so," Loki said. Tony then approached the glass with his hand. Loki directly approached more to give him the letter through the gap and Tony glanced at the chess plate.

"Do you play?" He asked. Loki didn't answer. Instead, he sat down like Tony and kept staring at the plate without saying anything. "You know how to play, right?" Loki raised an eyebrow as his gaze drifted to Tony's face.

"Are you asking me this because you tried to play with Thor?" Tony was the one raising his eyebrows, this time, as he stared. "Nevermind," Loki added quietly.

"Doesn't he know how to play chess?" Tony asked, amused. He then looked at the plate and moved his first piece.

"I guess he does," Loki simply said. "I don't know if he remembers how to, actually. I don't think he has played in years. He was never really good at this," he explained, making his first move too.

"But you were?" Tony asked, staring at Loki. The Asgardian had his eyes fixed on one of Tony's pieces, the King. It took him some time to answer.

"Yes."

 

"Are you not going to get in trouble for this?" Loki asked after a while. They had been playing silently after Loki's answer, focusing on the game. It was the first time Loki wasn't thinking about the time passing, about his actions, about his situation. Well, not only, at least. Focusing on this was distracting, it was the first time he was kind of enjoying something since he had been brought back.

Tony shrugged. "It's not because you're a prisoner that you shouldn't have any distraction," he said, still looking at the game. "Hell, even I found a way to distract myself when I was locked up. Pretty sure I would have gone nuts otherwise," he added. Loki looked up at him for the first time since they had started to play. He waited for Tony to realize that his eyes were on him to talk.

"What happened?" He asked, scrutinizing Tony's features to see any twitch, maybe, or something that would give something away.

"What's that?" Tony only asked.

"You were locked up," Loki repeated calmly. "What happened to you?" Not very tactful, but he didn't really care. He was genuinely curious, now. Tony shrugged once again.

"What made me who I am today," he simply said. But something in his attitude told Loki that it wasn't it. That it wasn't just what had made him become who he was. If it had been a life changing experience, Loki couldn't believe it was something good. His own life changing experience had made it all go to shit.

"But what happened?" Loki asked impatiently. It only made Tony smile a little as he stared at Loki. He then shook his head, quickly looking at the game again. Loki didn't.

"I got abducted," he explained. "Long story short, those guys had been able to get my weapons, somehow, and wanted me to build them another one. I refused and they... made me. Well, they thought they had. I never built it. I said I would, but I just built myself a way to escape."

"An armor," Loki said directly. Tony raised his eyebrows as his eyes went on Loki.

"Yeah," he said, a bit taken aback. Loki nodded to state that he could continue. "And that's it," he said.

"That's not it," Loki said as he frowned. Tony raised his head to face him again.

"Yeah, it is." Loki slightly shook his head. Tony looked away as he licked his lips before he chuckled. "What do you want me to say?" He then asked, glancing at Loki.

"The whole story."

"I'm not gonna-" Tony stopped to sigh. It was none of Loki's business. He sniffed and crossed his arms. Loki's eyes went on his visible hand that was obviously squeezing his arm, and then his eyes stopped on the light under Tony's shirt.

"So you want to know about my story, but you don't want me to know about yours?" Loki asked as he glanced at the game again, moving a piece. "Check," he muttered. Tony glanced quickly at him.

"It's not the same," he mumbled. Loki frowned a little, still staring at the plate.

"Of course, it is," he simply said. Tony took his time to look at him before he sighed.

"There was this guy, Obadiah," he said quickly and more quietly, "He was... He used to be a close friend of my father. I've always known him. After my parents died, he stayed by my side, helped me, and eventually I owned the Stark Industries and he was my associate. But I guess it wasn't enough for him," Tony just said as he shrugged, definitely not looking at Loki anymore. He stopped for a moment before he grimaced. "Man, you're probably the only one who doesn't know about this..."

Everyone knew about Tony's abduction, about the fact that he became Iron Man after this. They didn't know about Obadiah, they had lied to the public about that, but still. It was weird, having to explain it all to someone who had no clue about what had happened. He figured he could do it, even if he wasn't feeling totally comfortable. After all, he had had to explain his abduction to the FBI, the CIA and SHIELD right after he had escaped. It couldn’t be worse than that.

Maybe Loki was right. He needed to be fair. Loki wasn't the only one who had to open up about a difficult past.

"So, Obadiah associated himself with the Ten Rings, it's..." He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "It's not important," he sighed. "I had to record something in Afghanistan, we were trying out the new missile I built at the time, the Jericho. And we were attacked, and I was taken. And they had to... I had been injured by one of my own weapons. They used it against us to get to me and I... So, this guy I was locked up with, Yinsen, saved my life, and I had this thing in my chest... I had to carry around a battery, it was... And like I said, they wanted me to build the Jericho for them, they tried to force me, and I didn't. I worked on the reactor in my chest to make it more practical, kinda... I stayed there three entire months. In the end, when I couldn't waste time anymore, I built an armor, I escaped, and when I came back, I stopped making weapons. I've never built them for those guys to use them, it was to protect America, not... The way they were using them... So, I just couldn't keep building them. Instead I focused on my suits. I became Iron Man. I also, obviously, did something about this," he said as he tapped his Arc Reactor with his fingers. He was speaking more quickly, Loki had noticed.

Loki knew why, of course. It was difficult for him to talk about it, he wasn't even looking at him anymore. And he had started to talk faster when he mentioned that they had to force him to build the missile. Torture, Loki guessed. He could understand.

"Anyway," Tony said a bit louder and with a heavy sigh. "I still had no idea Obadiah was behind all of this. So, he hears about my new technology, even though I'm trying to keep it as secret as possible, and he wants it. And you know how it is. You're angry, you try to kill the guy who's in your way, you don't quite succeed so he beats you instead," Tony said as he looked at Loki. "So, I'm still here and Obadiah... Well, he's not."

He then gave Loki a smile and finally, he looked at the game again.

"Why are you acting like that?" Loki asked after a moment of silence and reflection.

"Like what?" Tony asked as he moved one of his pawns.

"Like it isn't that important," Loki said, tilting his head a little. Tony took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but Loki talked before him. "Why are you disguising your true feelings behind this kind of discourse?"

"I'm not disguising anything," Tony said a bit more curtly.

"Are you not, though?" Loki asked, and he narrowed his eyes for a second. "If you say so," he added quietly before looking at the game.

"I do say so," Tony said, still staring at Loki who simply and slowly nodded. This guy didn't know anything about him, he just had the right to listen anyway.

Tony looked away as he gritted his teeth.

He heard Loki move his piece, he heard it being placed on the plate again and after a second, he heard Loki speaking quietly and softly.

"Check mate."

Tony wasn't surprised. He looked up at Loki who was still staring at the pieces left on the chess plate.

"Well, I guess I will have to come back for a revenge," he said. Loki glanced at him with a crooked smile.

Then, Tony proceeded in putting everything in the box again, covering some of the books he had taken with him. He pushed the box away, took the letter that was still on the floor and he finally stood up, getting up the steps and he started to walk towards the doors.

"Anthony," Loki called from behind. Tony stopped in his track, frowning a little. He then slowly turned and tried to look casual. Loki was in front of the glass, staring at him.

"Tony," he just said. He hated being called Anthony. 

Loki didn't answer to that, he simply ignored his demand and he glanced at the envelope Tony was holding.

"How do you intend to deliver my response?" Tony looked down at the envelope, then he met Loki's eyes again.

"You'll have to wait. Next time Thor shows up, I will ask him to give it to her," he explained. Loki slightly frowned as he looked away. "What is it?" Tony asked, taking a step forward.

"Is he going to come back soon?" Loki asked. Tony narrowed his eyes for an instant, stopping when Loki's green eyes came back on him. Clearly, he was impatient, he was craving that woman's presence. It didn't matter if she wasn't his biological mother, it wasn't the same relationship as the one he was sharing with Odin.

Tony couldn't help but wonder how Frigga was looking like, how she was acting with Loki, if she was still loving him the same way despite what he did. He wondered what she had written in her letter, and what Loki had written. But he wouldn't read his answer, no matter how curious he was.

"I don't know... Last time he was here, he talked about a bridge being rebuilt to travel between the realms," Tony said.

"The Bifröst?" Loki directly asked, looking genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, that's how he called it. He... It was destroyed the day you fell, right?" Tony asked. Thor had shortly talked about it when he had talked about Loki's plans in the first place, before he fell. How he was using the Bifröst to try and destroy this other world, Jotunheim. To stop him, Thor broke the bridge with his hammer, or so he told them.

Loki's body had become stiffer when his fall was mentioned but again, he only slowly inclined his head in a brief nod.

"I guess he will come back when it will be done. Then, I'll give him the letter," Tony said before he started to turn once again.

"I need to know," Loki began before stopping when Tony turned his head to look at him. "For how long I have been here," he said. If they had started to rebuild the Bifröst before he came on Midgard for the first time, they should be done soon, depending on the time he had already spent there.

Tony considered it. If Loki wanted to escape, was he actually waiting for the Bifröst to be rebuilt? Even then, could he use it if he wanted to? Should he tell him those things?

"You've been here for six months, Loki," Tony let out quietly. Loki barely looked disconcerted. He only pursed his lips for a second.

"Thor... He will not disobey Odin," he said quietly. Tony frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"I told you... No magic, I can't go back to Asgard, and I can't see her. I'm not supposed to talk to her either. I know not if she was allowed to write to me in the first place."

"Then, I'll tell Thor that it is from me, not from you. Simple," Tony said. Tony had the right to write to Frigga, he supposed. What with the situation Loki was in and her letter, he could decide to tell her about how he was doing, couldn't he? He could say that he was interested by their knowledge, maybe, it wouldn't exactly be a lie. He would find a way. And even if Thor wasn't believing him, he wasn't sure he would actually refuse.

For the last time that day, Loki inclined his head in his own very polite way and Tony finally turned around to leave.


	6. Tony's First Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is definitely educational, haha. Well, if you're interested in the Nine Realms and stuff, you'll be happy with it, but here we are, Loki has found his own way to start talking to Tony without being too annoyed. Hope you'll like it.  
> Also thanks to the Marvel Wiki and Google for giving me loads of information on this.  
> I kind of hope I messed a bit with your feels with this one, also.

Tony never really coped. He never really got over anything. He wasn't over his father's behavior, over his mother's death, over his abduction, over everything he had lived. But talking to Loki, two days before, had made him realize how hard it was to talk about it. To really talk about it. Answering the FBI's questions had been easy, kind of. Even if it was just in the aftermath of his abduction, they were asking some specific questions about the Ten Rings goal and who they were, while Loki had wanted to know everything and had seen through his attitude. And Tony had felt insecure. Speaking of the events was ok, he guessed, he could do it without going in too much details, he had done so in the past. But to mention Obadiah's treason, to mention the torture... It was something else entirely.

He had felt uncomfortable talking about what they had done to him to the FBI, but as always, he had shrugged it off as if it was nothing, and he had focused on not thinking about the conversation again. But the intrusive thoughts were still there, the nightmares in which he was drowning were still there, the triggers were still around him in forms of smells and sounds. And because of the attitude he was having when hard stuff was mentioned, because of his ability to turn everything into a joke, he wasn't always taken very seriously. He had noticed during his argument with Steve not long after they had met.

Big mouth, he had, Steve. God, at the time, Tony thought he hated him even more than he used to when he was a kid. He hadn't been excited to meet him, nor to work with him. He had directly been more interested in Bruce, with who he could easily talk with.

He didn't know what got into him with Loki. If he wanted to turn the conversation into a joke, he could have easily done so. Maybe it was because in the end, he also wanted Loki to talk seriously to him. So he had to make some sacrifices on his part. It was fine. But it was also so frustrating, so irritating, to see that Loki had been able to see how he felt when he couldn't tell what Loki was thinking half the time.

But at least, he could understand why Loki was so reluctant to talk about what had happened to him. If anything bad had happened to him. Tony just knew about this adoption thing, and Loki had implied that there was a reason behind his actions. But was it legitimate, or was he just angry because he had been stopped? It wasn’t like Tony had wasted anything, in that case, beside some time. No one was listening to their conversation, after all, besides JARVIS who had eyes and ears everywhere. And JARVIS knew everything already, much more than anyone, really. Loki had no one to tell this stuff to, and he wouldn't be able to use it against Tony. Because if Tony was to find out that Loki was already messing with him, Tony would just stop going down there to see him. It was as simple as that.

No, he hadn't taken any risk.

The doors of the elevator opened and Tony stepped out, walking in the short hallway and typing the code with his free hand. He then walked in the room only to see Loki lying on his bed. Again, he wasn't sure if the god was asleep. He was breathing deeply, hands on his tummy, legs crossed, eyes closed.

Tony walked towards the glass, went down the steps and stopped in front of the cell. He then knocked on the glass with his forefinger.

"Loki, time to get up," he said. He saw Loki opening his eyes and staring at the ceiling. He waited for him to turn his head and he showed the Asgardian the plate he had in his hand. "Breakfast's ready."

Loki narrowed his eyes and sat up, turning to put his feet on the ground.

"Why are you bringing food to me?" He then asked as he stood up. "Did you make that?"

"Of course not," Tony said as he rolled his eyes, walking towards the corner of the cell and putting the plate where it usually was placed. "I was coming down here when I ran into the guy taking care of it. I thought that I could take care of it."

"You usually come in the evening," Loki noted, staring at the plate that was being slid in the cell.

"I have work to do, I wouldn't have time," Tony quickly said as he sat down where he had been when they had played chess. "Do you really use that bed by the way?" He asked directly, pointing at the bed. Loki turned his head, glancing at the bed for a moment before he sat down too.

"Yes, I do."

And just like that, he started to eat, not looking once at Tony.

"So," Tony said, interlacing his fingers on his lap as he looked around the room. "How are you doing?" He asked. It was still as awkward as the first time he had asked.

"You do not have to do that," Loki said quietly before taking another bite of his food.

"Do what?" Tony asked as he glanced at the man.

"Start a conversation," Loki said, still staring at his plate. "Hearing you do that is just plainly painful," he added. Tony frowned.

"Alright then, choke with your food, see if I care," he said quickly. He then raised his eyebrows. Had Loki just snorted?

"Right," Loki only said, still very quietly. He finally looked up and turned his head to stare at Tony. "Are you staying here, then?"

"Well, I told you I would come back for a revenge," Tony said as he pulled the box towards him again.

"You are going to lose again."

"I don't mind," Tony said, getting the pieces out.

 

The empty plate of food back on his side, Tony had taken the chess plate and prepared it for them to play once again. Like the last time, Tony had the white pieces while Loki had the black ones. They had stayed quiet while playing, at least for a while. Tony moved one of his paws and then he looked up at Loki.

"So. Isn't it your turn to tell me your story?" He asked.

"Is this how it works?" Loki asked. "You tell me a bit of yours, and I tell you a bit of mine?"

"Or you tell the whole thing now," Tony said.

"Do you want to leave so desperately?" Loki asked, looking up after moving one of his pieces. Tony clenched his jaw for a second.

"It's not that I want to leave," he then said, slightly shaking his head. He wasn't lying, he was appreciating this time.

"It is your curiosity that is taking the best of you," Loki muttered. Tony frowned a little, wondering if he had heard him right. "If you want to know my story, you will know it alright. But it is not going to be a five minutes long conversation," he added.

"I'm fine with that," Tony said directly, getting another glance from Loki. The god took a deep breath, seeing that Tony was clearly not interested by the game anymore.

"Alright," he let out. "What exactly do you know about the other realms?" He asked.

"Not much," Tony said. "Last year I didn't even know this kind of things existed. Then your brother came crashing down on Earth and we learned that we're not alone in the universe."

Loki very briefly raised his eyebrows, clearly not impressed by his brother's exploits on Earth.

"Do you have something for me to write, here?" Loki asked. "Some paper, a pen maybe."

Tony raised an eyebrow, not sure about what Loki wanted to do. He looked around and pulled the box towards him again. Now, Loki was sure that more things were in it, that Tony wasn't just using it for the chess plate and the pieces. He was moving some things in it and only got a marker out.

"I've got this," he said as he opened it, showing it to Loki. But he wasn't going to let him write anything in the books.

"That will do," Loki said, passing his hand through the gap. Tony glanced at it and finally handed him the marker. Loki took it and looked around. "Can I?" He asked as he tapped the glass in front of him with the back of the marker.

"Please."

Finally, and starting right above the opening in the glass, Loki started to draw something, blue light following the marker whenever Loki was leading it. It looked like some kind of tree.

"This is the Yggdrasil," Loki said as he wrote its name right next to it. "The tree of the world," he added. Tony only nodded as he totally turned his body to face the glass and he crossed his legs, resting his hands on his knees. "She taught me about it when I was a child," Loki said. He didn't need to say who he was talking about, Tony knew directly that it was Frigga. "The tree connects the Nine Realms together."

He then started to draw the different realms, starting by Midgard, more or less in the center of the Yggdrasil. Again, he wrote their name every time.

"I guess this is a figurative tree," Tony said as he examined it.

"As you can imagine," Loki simply said. When he was done with Midgard, he pointed it with the back of the marker, the blue light appearing in the middle of the circle. "Midgard is one of the realms. Then-"

"Midgard is Earth, right?" Tony asked, interrupting Loki who looked up at Tony. He didn't say anything about it, but Tony could see that he didn't like being interrupted.

"Right. Then, you have Asgard, ruled by Odin," he said as he pointed the one realm above Midgard. "Asgard presides the Nine Realms. Odin and his soldiers protect the other worlds as well as other regions. Then you have Vanaheim," he said as he pointed another world before continuing. "Its race is sister of the Asgardians. Close to Asgard, you have Nidavellir," he said, pointing at another world, "Home of the Dwarves," he said.

Tony wanted to ask so many questions, but he was also fascinated. He knew a lot of things. _A lot_. And yet, he knew nothing, apparently. There was so much more to the world than he thought. They were only a tiny point in the universe, and they weren't alone.

"Then, you have Alfheim, land of the Light Elves," he explained. He then proceeded in drawing other worlds. "Above Asgard is Muspelheim," he said as he finished writing its name. "This world is entirely in flames. From the fire, beasts are born and live in this world."

"Are you serious?" Tony couldn't help but ask. Another glance from behind the drawings told him that Loki was annoyed.

"Of course, I am serious," he said.

Yep, didn't like to be interrupted. Tony nodded as he glanced at that world again. At the same time, he noted that he shouldn't question Loki's seriousness again when he was talking about this kind of things.

Then, Loki draw something else at the bottom of the tree.

"Svartalfheim, where the Dark Elves used to live."

"Used to?" Tony asked. He really couldn't help himself. But this time, Loki didn't seem to mind. Maybe because this question would actually bring something to the conversation.

"Yes. After a battle against Asgard, their planet was ravaged. But this is a story for another time," he simply explained. Again, Tony nodded, and Loki knew he could continue. There were only two worlds left.

"Niflheim," Loki said as he drew it. "One of its region is said to be where the souls of those in the Nine Realms who have died are hold."

"Kind of the extraterrestrial Heaven?" Tony asked. Loki frowned.

"Like I said, Midgard is part of the realms. Even if its inhabitants are considered too underdeveloped to be in any way associated with the other races, your souls should also go there," Loki said. Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Underdeveloped?" Now, he could understand Thor's comment about a higher form of war, back when Loki had come on Earth for the first time.

"And this is no Heaven," Loki added, ignoring Tony. "Called Hel, it serves as the home of the dead who are neither honored nor dishonored." He didn't let Tony ask more questions about it, though. He was already drawing the last realm as he was speaking. "Below Asgard is Jotunheim, where Jotuns live. We also call them the Frost Giants. Do you know anything about them?"

Very attentive, Tony shook his head. Somehow, he knew that if Loki was questioning him about it, it meant that it was more important.

"Well. They are not friendly," Loki explained. He wasn't looking at Tony, only at the last planet he had drawn. "They tried to rule the other realms numerous time, but the Asgardians fought back every time."

"So, you guys are kind of the super-heroes of your world. You beat the bad guys, you assure that peace stays," he said. Loki ignored his remark but he took a deep breath, it looked like he was trying not to sigh. "No?"

"There are no heroes, Anthony," Loki said calmly. Tony couldn't help but wrinkle his nose as he heard his name. "Preserving peace is the duty of the Asgardians. Heimdall, from Asgard, watches over every world. He sees every soul in the realms. He could see yours, right now, if he wanted to. He stays in the Bifröst most of the time. He can open the way between worlds for us to travel. Remember this, as it plays a role in my story," he explained.

Tony found himself swallowing his spit at this. Loki had finally looked at him again while saying this, and a shiver had gone down Tony's spine. He still didn't know if he would enjoy this story in any way.

"Jotunheim," Loki sighed. "Like I said, its inhabitants are the Frost Giants. They have always created chaos, no matter where they were. They are the monsters of every children stories. On the same year that I was born, Odin won his last battle against them," he explained more quietly. He then stayed silent for a moment, visibly thinking about something. Or was he reminiscing something? Tony couldn't tell.

"And which year was that?" He asked, trying to get Loki to talk again. The Asgardian blinked and looked at him for a moment.

"965," he uttered. Tony raised his eyebrows. It didn't take him more than a second to count and find out Loki's age.

"You don't look that old..." Tony muttered. Loki only stared, quite disconcerted.

"Well, no. Of course, I don't," he let out. Tony guessed that being 1047 was young, for an Asgardian. "That year, the Jotuns tried to conquer Midgard, leading to a battle with the Asgardians. They stopped them, and Odin took their power away from them."

"Their power?"

"The Casket of Ancient Winters."

"What is that?" Tony asked as he frowned. If they weren't so alike, Tony wouldn't have known that Loki was trying hard not to roll his eyes. But instead of doing so, he leaned a bit and near Jotunheim, he started to draw something, thinking that Tony really didn't know anything. "Come on," Tony let out, capturing Loki's attention. "I'm just learning. I'm sure there's a lot of things you don't know about Earth."

"Mh." Loki heard that Tony was mumbling something, but he didn't care all that much. He only showed him the new drawing. "In the hand of a Frost Giant, the casket can project an infinite icy wind, freezing everything in its path. They used this to conquer enemy realms. Odin took it from them after winning the battle, and Jotunheim started to deteriorate."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Tony asked after a moment of silence.

"I never said it wasn't," Loki said.

He then placed the cap back on the marker and he placed it near the chess plate. He kept it on his side of the glass and Tony didn't try to take it back. He stared at Loki who was still not talking. The Asgardian seemed to be focusing on the game again.

Talking with Loki was a whole experience, really. It was interesting as much as it was disconcerting. He was now really wondering if he shouldn't slip something in the letter for Frigga to ask about some books. Would it be rude? Maybe she would accept, if he was telling her that he was spending some time with her son and that he was the one allowing him to write to her.

"It is your turn," Tony heard Loki say after a while.

"That's it?" Tony asked. Loki looked up as he raised an eyebrow. "What happened next? You didn't tell me anything!"

"Of course, I did. I told you a lot already," Loki said calmly. "I never said I would give everything away in one conversation. You didn't either, after all."

"That's- different!" Tony exclaimed.

"How is it different?"

"I didn't try to rule a world I had no business to be in just because-" Tony stopped himself from saying something he would regret, something that would make Loki stopped talking to him.

"You seem quite nervous, Anthony, you get angry easily. Is there something on your mind?" Loki asked as he stared at the chess plate again.

"Is it why you are acting like this? Why you're so calm?" Tony asked more quietly. Loki tilted his head as he met Tony's eyes through the lines of his drawings.

"I wouldn't offend my distraction, now, would I?" Tony closed his eyes to hide his eye roll. After another moment of silence, Loki spoke a bit more coldly. "Your turn, three moves."

 

Loki guessed Tony had been offended when he didn't turn up for the next three days.

"What's with the face, Tony?" Natasha asked as she walked past Tony who was sitting at the table. They had all eaten in the tower and while everyone was now in the living room, Tony had stayed at the table, thinking.

He could reach the envelope by stretching his arm, he could see it mocking him from where it was. His gaze drifted to his glass as he tried to think about something else. But Thor's loud voice reached his ears again and he closed his eyes.

"Are you alright?" Natasha asked as she closed the fridge. She approached the table and stopped behind the chair in front of Tony's. She leaned on it, staring at the genius. He simply nodded.

"Yeah, I'm alright," he said.

"Aren't you going to join us?" He shrugged.

"I don't know, I have things to do," he said, still not looking at her. She could see his eyes moving fast as he crossed his arms and she wondered what he could be thinking about so much. Bruce was right, he wasn't the only one who had noticed Tony's behavior and the way he was avoiding spending too much time with the rest of the team. She didn't know if it was deliberate, but Bruce had talked to her about it the day before, when she had asked him if Tony was feeling alright.

He was always answering the same way, he was always saying that he was fine. And she got it. They weren't that close, why would he start talking to her about things that could bother him? After all, she had never asked if he wanted to talk about anything.

She heard laughter coming from the other room and she glanced in that direction. Then, she pulled the chair towards her and she sat, putting the bottle of beer she had taken for Clint in front of her.

"What things?" She asked. Tony finally glanced at her, but he didn't say anything. "Am I interrupting some brainstorm you're having with yourself?" She asked.

"I usually brainstorm with JARVIS," Tony replied tit for tat. She raised an eyebrow.

"So, you're not brainstorming right now?" Tony glanced around, his leg starting to jump a little. She considered him for a moment. He had been this nervous since the invasion and it didn't seem to get any better with time. "Is it because of Pepper?" She asked carefully. Tony chuckled as he shook his head.

"No, it's not," he said quietly, meeting her eyes. Natasha gave him an apologetic smile. Tony shook his head and straightened on his seat as he took a sip of his drink.

"Do you want to talk about it, though?"

Tony kept looking at her for a moment. Should he talk about it? About Pepper? He didn't really have anything to say about her, though, did he? He didn't have to talk to her about the loneliness. About the way he had felt when she had talked about taking a break. About the way he had acted, like an ass, because he couldn't face the rejection. Because he couldn't face being all alone again. About how he hadn't even been able to talk to the person he trusted the most about his nightmares. About how she had snapped, one night, because he had called his armor in his dream, how she could have been in danger because he couldn't control anything in his life anymore.

The conversation was still very clear in his head. He couldn't get it out of it, really.

_He had been in his workshop all day long, like he had done for the past month. He was barely getting out of there. Thor had come back the week before with some news. Loki's trial was finally over, and he had to come back and stay locked up without his magic, without any contact with Asgard, without any way to escape. He was banished._

_Tony had directly worked on the cell. He had cleared a room of the second floor of all activity, had everything removed from it and he had built the cell. He had shown the others how it was working, even though they couldn't open it or close it. Tony and JARVIS were the only ones having some control over it. The rest of the team was fine with that._

_Then, two days after the cell had been finished, Thor had brought Loki back. They were all there to see him go in the cell and to see Tony close it behind him. Then, Thor had given the key to his bracelets to Tony, and he had kept it in his nightstand, into a locked drawer. After that, Tony, more nervous than ever because of his nightmares, had started to work day and night on his suits again. He needed to build more things to help him fight against new threats. He could have died easily, he wasn't prepared._

_He was nervous, he was snapping easily, he wasn't in a good mood most of the time. He hadn't really taken any time to rest after the invasion. He couldn't allow himself to take any time off, his work was too important. He had let his relationship with Pepper deteriorate. But he didn't think that much of it, because he was too focused on his constructions, on what he had seen in that portal._

_Maybe that was why she had come in the workshop that day, as a bearer of bad news._

_The music had been turned off, he had mumbled something about her needing to stop doing that and she had told him they had to talk._

_Tony had blinked when he had heard the words for the first time._

_"I think we should take a break, Tony."_

_Tony had never had a spear going through his chest but he was pretty sure the pain would have been the same as the one he was feeling at that moment. But he hadn't shown anything, of course. He couldn't show her how it was making him feel. He couldn’t make her feel bad about it. Because it was his fault. So, he kept working, not noticing that he hadn't answered, he was too focused on keeping a straight face._

_"Are you even listening to me?" Pepper had asked impatiently. Tony had finally looked up._

_"What do you want me to say?"_

_"I can't keep doing this anymore, Tony..."_

_"Doing what, exactly?" He had asked, putting his tool on the table. Pepper had sighed._

_"Not knowing if you will still be alive next week," she said quietly. Tony hadn't said anything. He had thought about working again but his body had refused to obey. Instead, he had turned around, had walked away before turning again. He had leaned against the wall, had crossed his arms and had stared at Pepper for a moment._

_He had listened to her explain how hard it was, he hadn't said anything._

_He could understand some of the things she was saying, then he couldn't deal with some others. And he couldn't stop being Iron Man for her. It was who he was._

_"It doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore, Tony. I just need some time to think about all of this. I just need... for us to think about all of this on our own time."_

_Then, he had slowly approached the woman he loved, knowing where this was leading. Knowing that he couldn't deal with this._

_"You're talking about a break but you're never going to come back to me, are you?"_

_"Tony..."_

_"If you want to break up with me, then break up with me. Don't talk to me about some kind of break that will never-"_

_He had stopped himself in time. He had felt it coming. He had had a lump in his throat, his legs had been numb, his eyes had been stinging. He had wondered if she could see it. And as she had opened her mouth, because truthfully, he hadn't wanted to hear it, he had interrupted her._

_"You can tell me, it's fine. I'm gonna survive. In fact, the mission that will kill me will probably do its job faster than this, right now."_

_And he had seen the incomprehension in her eyes, the frown of her brows, how she had narrowed her precious eyes. And he had almost let it all out. But it hadn't happened._

_"You're unbelievable," Pepper had let out in a whisper._

_"I know," Tony had then said like it was obvious, and he had turned around because he hadn't been able to face her anymore, and he had started to work again. Until she had left the room._

_Abandonment. That's all it felt like. And he didn't know if the worst thing was that he knew how it felt already, or if it was that he was feeling it once again._

"It's not a big deal, I'm fine," Tony said as he stood up, pushing his empty glass away. He then leaned and grabbed the envelope.

"What is that?" Natasha asked.

"Something I need to send," he said before he walked away, leaving the room.

Once in his office, Tony sat down at the desk and took a pen as well as some paper. Still, once he was about to write, he hesitated once again. But he couldn't resist. So, he wrote a letter, trying to be as polite as he could be. He didn't know how he had to address her. She was a queen. And not only was she a queen, but giving the way Loki was speaking, Tony could probably be seen as rude every time he was speaking.

He didn't say much. Only that he was the one that had given Loki something to write, even though he knew he wasn't allowed. He also told her that he wasn't leaving him alone all the time. He didn't know why, he hadn't read Frigga's letter and he hadn't read Loki's answer. And still, he felt like he needed to reassure her, because she was still caring about her son, despite what he had done. She was loving him like he was her own son. Like she had always loved him.

He knew what it was like, not being able to say everything you wanted to say to your mother. It didn't matter if it was because she had suddenly died, or because you had been locked on another planet without anything to communicate in any way with your queen and goddess of a mother. It was still a sudden break. Maybe that was why he had decided to let Loki answer. Not just because he had wanted for him to talk about his story, but because he knew that if he had himself the chance to talk just one more time with his mother, he would tell her so many things.

He also mentioned what he was doing with the rest of the team. Maybe learning about what they were doing would give him some kind of... worth, in her eyes...

What was he doing, trying to impress her?

Tony rolled his eyes before looking at what he had written. He sighed and finally, he mentioned the conversations he was having with Loki.

He didn't go into details, of course. But he said that he was trying to talk to him, and that he was really interested by everything he had learned. He wrote that Loki had talked about the worlds and the Yggdrasil, and he wrote that he would love to learn more, if she was willing to lend him some of their books.

When he was done, he opened the envelope and looked at the pages in it.

God, it was tempting. He put his own page on the desk and took the ones that were inside the envelope. He only glanced at them. He couldn't read them, it was private.

Still, he wondered if Loki had learned how to write in cursive with his mother. He had only seen a few words on the first page. _Eternity_ , _alone_ , _Odin_ , _Thor_. He looked away. He couldn't. What was he doing? He had told himself many times that he couldn't, that he would learn everything he wanted by Loki himself. He pursed his lips and took his letter, putting it as the front page of Loki's letter. He wanted Frigga to see this page first, he wanted her to understand better how Loki was treated. Then, she would know he had allowed him to write to her even if he knew it was forbidden.

How long was this letter anyway? Tony pursed his lips, glanced at the opened door in front of the desk and he looked at the letter again. He quickly counted the pages and as he was at the last one, his eyes stopped on his name.

Anthony. He grimaced. Even seeing it written was irritating. He let go of the letter and leaned back. He couldn't read that either.

He stared at the pages, his hands on the desk, the papers between them. His forefinger was tapping the desk, now. From afar, he lifted some pages and tilted his head to look at the words. Finally, he leaned forward just to let his eyes go on the page. That was it. That's all he did.

 _Anthony_ , _company_ , _peculiar_ , _allowed him_ , _doesn't want_ , _mind_ , _intelligence_.

That was it.

He folded the pages and slid them in the envelope before definitely closing it.

 

As soon as Tony walked in the living room, wondering how he could manage to talk to Thor alone, the god called him.

"Tony Stark!" He said loudly. The rest of the team turned their heads to look at Tony as Thor got up. "I was wondering if you could lead me to my brother once again!" He said. Tony raised his eyebrows. It seemed like Thor had decided he needed Tony to go down there because of the last time he had done so. This was perfect.

"Yeah, of course. Now?"

"Yes, please!" Thor said, still very cheerful.

And that's how Tony ended up alone in the elevator with Thor once again.

"So, when do you return to Asgard?" Tony asked. Thor had arrived the day before. But he hadn’t come to the tower right away. He first went to see Jane. He had then come to the tower with the news that the Bifröst was finally rebuilt, after all this hard work. The bridge was back, he could travel easily again.

"I am not planning on staying, even if I would love to," Thor said. "My father has given me some tasks I need to accomplish. I must go back to Asgard soon."

"I understand," Tony muttered as his hand moved towards the back pocket in his jeans. The envelope was lodged there, and he wondered if he should ask now. They still had to go down a few floors before reaching the second one, so he had the time. His fingers touched the envelope and he looked at Thor. "I gave the letter to your brother, by the way." Thor directly looked at Tony.

"Oh, really? How did he... Did he say anything?" Thor asked, curious.

"Um," Tony could only let out as he thought about their conversation, about the fact that Loki had stopped eating at the time. Seeing Thor's concern, it wasn't the best thing he could tell him. He just shrugged. "He was just annoyed that I didn't give it directly after you left. I... I waited a long time, to be honest." To Tony's surprise, Thor nodded, not questioning the reason Tony had waited. "And he asked if there was a possibility for him to write back?"

Thor's concerned expression slowly changed. He seemed to be flustered.

"He's not allowed to, is that it?"

"It is a part of his punishment. I cannot allow something like that."

"I just think that... He really needs to talk to her. I said I'd ask but that he shouldn't count on it," Tony said. He didn't like having to lie to Thor, but he wanted to know if he could ask him to cross the line and disobey. But Thor slightly shook his head.

"I cannot let him do this, as much as it pains me to say so." Tony nodded. He knew Thor still loved his brother, even though their relationship had changed a lot. Maybe he would have disobeyed in the past for him, but not after what he had done.

"I understand," Tony said. "Also, I was wondering if _I_ could give her a message?"

Thor frowned slightly.

"If it is on behalf of Loki, I-"

"No!" Tony said directly. "No, it's not. It's for me. Loki talked to me about your world, as well as the other ones," he explained, "And I'm not going to lie, I'm really curious. I don't know anything about it and I was wondering if she could... you know, maybe lend me some books, stuff like that," Tony said as his fingers closed on the envelope. Thor's face brightened.

"Of course, she will probably be glad to know someone like you is interested by our knowledge," Thor said with a smile. Weirdly, when Thor was saying "someone like you", it didn't sound like Loki when he was saying it. Even though Tony was aware that it was still diminishing, in some ways, he also knew that Thor didn't mean any harm by it, while Loki was dismissive on purpose. "I will ask her and bring you what you need when I will come back," Thor added. Tony opened his mouth, surprised, and took a moment before talking.

"Actually... If you could give her this," he said as he finally took the envelope out of his pocket. Thor took it and examined it. Tony was hoping that he wouldn't make any remark on the thickness of the envelope and just to be sure, he explained the situation. Or what he wanted Thor to believe it was. "I... I told her what Loki talked to me about and I said I was interested for... Research purposes. And I guess I got a bit carried away. That's why-"

"I will deliver this to her, do not worry," Thor said, interrupting him as he tapped Tony's back with too much strength. Tony staggered forward and put his hand against the elevator door to regain his balance.

"Great, thank you," he mumbled as the doors opened. Not looking at Thor, he quickly walked out of the lift, moving his shoulder. Thor really had to learn some things when interacting with humans.


	7. Mothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the end of this one today even though I wanted to do it tomorrow because I wouldn't have been able to. I hope you will like it ! In the next one, I will finally come back on the letter Tony gave Thor. :)  
> Thank you for all the comments and the kudos, I really appreciate it, it only makes me want to write more. :D  
> I hope there's not too many mistakes, I don't have time to read the chapter once again to check every word, I'll do it later I guess! 
> 
> Btw, just a side note but thanks to my favorite frostiron blog on Tumblr, I discovered the song "Song #3" by Stone Sour, it fits perfectly with this ship. Like... /perfectly/. And I think it kind of fits my story. So yeah, you guys should really listen to it. :D

"I did not believe you would actually lie for me," Loki said, staring at Tony from where he was standing.

Tony had left with Thor after a short conversation with Loki. Again, Thor had wanted to make his brother talk to him, and Loki had only been more unpleasant than ever. He didn't want to have anything to do with Thor. Tony had only observed the scene, staying near the door. He didn't know if he should have even stayed in there.

The first time, he hadn't minded. Now, for some reason, seeing Loki in this position was making him uncomfortable. Maybe because again, he wanted to learn about him only through their talks, not by seeing the way he was acting with other people, and especially because of the way he was acting with Thor.

If his adoption had been the problem to begin with, Tony couldn't help but feel like his anger wasn't directed to the right person. Thor probably didn't have anything to do with it. So, what was it? Jealousy? Tony didn't like to think that Loki was only jealous. He didn't like hearing this conversation and he didn't step in.

Thor had noticed the drawings on the glass, where Tony and Loki were sitting to play chess. Tony was relieved that he hadn't noticed the box near his improvised seat. Tony had told Thor about Loki talking a bit about the other worlds, but the Asgardian didn't know they were actually spending time together, and Tony would rather have that part stay between Loki and him.

And in the end, Tony had left with Thor. Not without waiting for the god to go first, not without raising his finger to tell Loki he had to wait because he would come back. But he couldn't just stay there, that day. He didn't have any excuse to do so and he didn't want anyone to think anything about him staying behind. He didn't want another conversation with Bruce either.

So, he had finally joined the rest of the team. He hadn't been really talkative, but at least he had stayed with them and he hadn't missed Natasha's smile. He hadn't liked it, because he had felt like it was pity, and he didn't need this kind of treatment. But he had sat down with the rest of them and he had mostly listened to them.

Once they were all gone and that he had been alone on the sofa, he had decided that it was time to go see Loki. After pouring himself another drink, he had gone in the elevator and pressed the button.

Once in the room, he had told Loki that he had given the letter to Thor. Loki had been surprised to learn that Thor had accepted the request and Tony revealed that he had straight up lied to his brother to make him accept.

Tony shrugged and walked towards the cell to go and sit near the drawings. Loki automatically walked towards that place to, but slowly, hands behind his back and eyes on Tony.

"I told you I would tell him that it was from me, didn't I?" Tony said.

"Yes, but... Still. This is surprising," Loki said. He didn't sit down, he just stopped in front of the glass. Tony took a sip of his drink, settling himself as comfortably as possible, a leg underneath the other and holding his glass on his lap.

"Why is this so unbelievable to you?" He asked with a quiet laughter.

"I guess I do not trust you either," Loki said quietly. Tony's smile slowly fainted and he stared at Loki for a moment before he looked down at his glass.

"I guess this is legitimate," he then said. He looked at Loki again. "Do you, now?"

Loki slowly tilted his head as he bit his lower lip from the inside of his mouth.

"Can I?" Loki asked. Tony knew that he wasn't really waiting for an answer. Tony gave him a faint smile before he looked away again. He seemed to be thinking. Finally, Loki moved and sat down too, his back against the wall. They were next to each other, both staring at the wall in front of them, the only thing separating them being the glass between them. When Tony talked again, Loki turned his head to look at him through the lines of the marker.

"Do you even realize how lucky you are that she is still caring about you?" He asked. He didn't wait for Loki to answer before continuing, but he took a second of silence to turn his head too and meet his eyes. "That she is going above the rules to talk to you? That you're still alive only thanks to her? In spite of every shitty thing you've done?"

He sounded angry, even though he wasn't talking louder than before. It was infuriating, for him, he wasn't sure why. And Loki staying silent, just looking at him with those puppy eyes, was making the matter worse.

Tony wasn't seeing this kind of expression in Loki's eyes often, he had only seen it twice in the past and he still wasn't sure if it was real pain. Why would Loki display this kind of feelings when he was hiding everything most of the time if it wasn't to mess with Tony's mind? He hadn't shown this kind of expression when they first met, only confidence and superiority. No compassion, no sympathy, he had shown animosity and mischief.

But again, he had had the scepter in his hands. Had it influenced him even a little? Was he now acting differently because of that? The scepter couldn't be the reason for everything. Loki had so much resentment about whatever had happened to him that it was almost palpable.

"I do realize it," Loki said even more quietly. At that point, Tony wasn't even expecting an answer. "What makes you think that I am angry at her?"

"Knowing how you're angry at your fa-"

"He's not-!"

They both stayed silent, staring defiantly at each other. In the end, Tony turned his head to look away as he crossed his arms.

"You don't know how angry I am at Odin. Nor do you know why. You shouldn't assume so."

"I wouldn't have to assume anything if you were telling me what happened."

"We grew up!" Loki said suddenly a bit louder.

It had been a while since the last time Loki had snapped at Tony. He was way more calm since the genius had started spending some enjoyable time with him and had allowed him to answer to his mother. 

Tony was looking at Loki again, a bit surprised by Loki's change of attitude.

"We grew up," Loki repeated more calmly, looking like he was trying to sound more dignified. But the thin line that were now his lips showed Tony that he wasn't exactly calm. Still, they kept staring at each other in silence for a few seconds before Loki spoke again. "Thor and I have never been the same. Nor were we treated the same."

Tony slightly narrowed his eyes, trying to get what he meant exactly, trying to hear in his voice, see on his face, if there was anything giving away the way he was feeling as he was telling him this. But there was nothing. His voice was steady, his breathing was slow, he now seemed to be serene.

He was usually good at reading people, but Loki was too hard to predict. There wasn't any pattern in his behavior. Sometimes, one wrong word and he would snap, but the next time you would use that same word, he would look as calm as ever. It only depended on what he would want you to see.

But somehow, Tony got what he meant. Because he knew about the adoption, he knew he wasn't their real son.

"He was treated better than you ever were," he said quietly. There it was. Loki's jaw was now clenched, and he had looked away for a split second before meeting Tony's eyes again. He was hurt. "By Odin, I guess?" Tony asked. Loki let out a quiet laugh, as he finally looked away and he sighed.

"By everyone except-" he said, stopping himself. Tony's eyes slowly went down on Loki's chest as he looked at it moving up and down. It kept going down on his hands that were on his lap, his fingers interlaced with each other. He looked up at his face again. "I have never been jealous. Sometimes envious, I will admit."

There was a pause as Loki looked up at the ceiling.

"We grew up hearing stories about wars, about cataclysmic battles between the worlds, about Asgard protecting the realms. About how victorious we were, about how one day, Thor and I would be on the battlefield too, fighting for our people," he continued. Tony was attentive to his every word. "And one day, one of us would succeed Odin on the throne. As he put it at the time; « _Only one of you can ascend to the throne. But both of you were born to be kings._ » " Loki had recited that with calm, still. He finally turned his head to look at Tony. "I was never destined to rule Asgard."

Again, a pause. This time, Tony talked, hoping Loki wouldn't snap at him again for asking a question. He was also mainly hoping that he wouldn't stop talking to him.

"When did you realize that?" He asked quietly. Was it only because he was younger than Thor? Or was it because he wasn't really their son? Loki stared for a moment before he stopped focusing on Tony. For the genius, he was only slightly looking down. But he was staring at his drawing of Jotunheim.

"I think I have always known," he said. "Thor was the firstborn and unless something happened to him, unless he was shown unworthy, he was the one destined to succeed Odin."

"Is that why you made something happen to him?" Tony asked, knowing that if Thor had come on Earth in the first place, it was because he was being punished for something. Thor hadn't explained much about it when Clint had asked. He hadn't seemed very comfortable with the matter, in fact.

Tony heard a distinctive _tut_ coming from Loki.

"I do not know what Thor has told you, but I have never wanted that throne to begin with. Things changed later, when I realized what needed to be done," he said more quietly, making Tony frown. Then why did he want to rule so much? It didn't make any sense. "But this is not for today," he added. Tony sighed.

"Why not?"

"Because I decided so."

Loki glanced at Tony when he sighed again.

"Would you stop?" Loki asked.

"You're exhausting, I can't help it," Tony said directly.

"You can leave, if you want to."

Tony didn't want to. He crossed his arms and shook his head.

"No. Tell me more about it. About your childhood," he added to make Loki know that he wasn't talking about Thor's banishment anymore.

Loki considered Tony for a moment, slightly tilting his head to see him better behind the drawings. He then spoke more quietly.

"What do you want me to talk about?"

Tony glanced at Loki, meeting his eyes for a second. Loki knew that he wanted to know very particular things. Tony pursed his lips and thought about it for a second.

"What were the differences between his behavior with you and his behavior with Thor?" He asked, clearly talking about Odin. After a moment, Loki answered.

"He has always favored him," he said quietly. "Thor was... Thor was always doing what he could to impress Odin. Like I said, we were often told about the battles Odin was leading and Thor..." Loki stopped as he looked down, a bitter smile on his face. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Thor just wanted to be like him. Strong, victorious, respected, admired. He has always dreamt of being out there, fighting, winning. He grew up being a fierce and arrogant fighter." He looked at Tony again. "But he was good at what he was doing, and he knew it. Odin knew it. He taught him everything he knows about fighting. He gave him Mjölnir and Thor defended our land many times. He proved himself many times."

"But Odin didn't teach you, did he?" Tony asked, meeting Loki's eyes again. Loki stared for a moment.

"She did."

Loki was never calling her Frigga, but he wasn't saying "my mother" either when talking with him. Tony had noticed. He wondered if it was because he was considering her as his mother and would never call her by her name but that admitting it and calling her "mother" would invalidate his feelings against Odin. He felt annoyed because he could have looked how he was talking to her when he had the letter in his hands, but he hadn't. Now it was too late.

"She taught me a lot of things and tried to pass on the wisdom Thor would never even be able to dream of having to me," he said before closing his mouth, his lips forming a thin line again for a second. Tony's eyes went on them for an instant before going back up. He was so bitter, it was incredible. Thor was wise. Maybe not as much as Loki, who knew, but he was when it came to some things. Tony knew it. And he knew that it wasn't really saying this, it was his rancor.

"What did she teach you?" He asked. He saw Loki's eyes focusing on the drawings between them before coming back on his face.

"Our story. The story of the realms. Of the Yggdrasil, of The Convergence, of the battles we all fought. While Thor was following Odin around, I was in the library. While he was dreaming of winning wars, I was the one understanding what his father was saying by not seeking out one but be prepared for it when it comes. While he was learning how to fight, she taught me how to use the same magic as hers. While Thor was making friends to fight with, I..." Loki's gaze slowly drifted away as he closed his mouth again. He took a long and silent breath as he thought about Thor's friends.

Sif didn't like him very much, he knew that, she was wary of him. After all, Loki had earned his title of God of Mischief. He had often annoyed them with his magic when he was younger, and Lady Sif had never been able to grow fond of Loki.

Volstagg didn't mind him, he didn't have a problem with anyone, really. He was the more amiable, getting along with everyone because he was happy with small things. But for Loki's tastes, he was too noisy, too focused on worthless things.

Fandral was more charming than anything, yet, he was also wise. He knew the effect he had on people and he was using it to get along with everyone. But was he a friend? They had been kind of close, at some point. Not anymore, obviously.

Hogun was the one Loki liked the most and with whom he had spent most of his time when the warrior was coming to the palace. He was the wisest of Thor's friends, the quieter and the more interesting. He didn't have the same wisdom as the others. Probably because he was a Vanir. Even if he was one of the best warriors of Asgard, he wasn't as much interested in fighting wars as Thor was. He would fight if attacked, but he would never be reckless. He had knowledge about things Loki was eager to learn, he had been interested in his culture and way of living and they had somehow bonded with their many conversations.

But they weren't _his_ friends. He had never made his own friends. He had never spent time with the other kids his age when he was younger. They had always been more interested by Thor because he wanted to play with them, to train with them, while Loki was watching from afar most of the time. He wasn't as interesting, as worthy of their attention.

"But did my interests matter? Did my lack of interest in battles disappointed him? I don't think it is what drove Odin away from me, if he was ever close," he said quietly. "There was something about me that made him care much more about Thor than me. I wasn't his son. He had taken me in, but his intentions weren't to take care of me in the first place."

"What were they, then?" Tony couldn't help but ask. Loki closed his eyes as he shook his head. He wouldn't talk about it now, then. "But you had Frigga. You were spending your time with her, right? She loved you. She still does," he then said. "Are Odin's acceptation and respect more important to you than she will ever be?" Loki slightly narrowed his eyes as he considered Tony.

"You seem to attach a lot of importance to my relationship with her," he said quietly.

"Because I do."

"Why?" Tony shrugged. He wasn't even sure. Well, he was, but he didn't know why he was caring about it when it came to Loki. After everything he had done, he didn't deserve much consideration. And still, somehow, he was sympathetic.

"Because even if you don't say it, I know how much she matters to you. Because whatever you think, she's still your mother, right?" Tony asked, glancing at Loki. The Asgardian didn't show any sign of approval, but he didn't seem against what he was saying either. "You're close to her, you probably love her, even, if you can feel those things," he added. Loki tilted his head at those words, looking a bit jaded, and Tony smiled a little. "Am I right?"

Loki stopped looking at him in the eye when he answered, he turned his head and straightened up a little against the wall.

"Possibly," he sighed. Tony laughed quietly.

"Saying you love your mother is not going to kill you, you know." Tony only got a side glance from an annoyed Loki and he smiled a bit more. "You have the right to still be attached to her even if you're angry at Odin," he then said a bit more seriously. This time, Loki seemed to be more interested. He faced the genius again, showing that he was fine with him talking about that.

Tony tilted his head, letting it rest against the wall as he met Loki's eyes again.

"They're not the same person. They didn't do the same things for you or against you, whatever happened. And even now, she's still talking to you and showing concern. Of course, you're allowed to feel the same way about her. Her behavior doesn't excuse Odin's. Your anger is still valid. I mean, I say that without knowing why you're so mad at him but... you know what I mean."

Loki eyes moved a bit as he was observing Tony's features for a few seconds.

"You know what you are talking about," he only said. Tony gave him a tired smile as he slightly shrugged.

"Yeah. It was... kind of the same situation for me," he said. Loki frowned a little and unconsciously moved a bit closer, hanging on Tony's every word. Tony noticed but didn't move nor said anything, he just took a deep breath before he looked away. "Howard was... great. In everyone's mind, he was great. Great in everything. But god, was he a shitty father," he said as he slowly shook his head. "I was close to my mother, Maria. Really close, I loved her so much," he said as he glanced at Loki. The guy needed to understand that it wasn't a weakness. "But... She was traveling a lot with him. I was being looked after by someone else that they were paying," he said. He didn't know if Loki knew the concept of a nanny. "Even when I was a teenager, that person was still there. At least, I had Jarvis," he said as he shrugged.

Loki frowned and glanced at the ceiling.

"Not..." Tony started to say before he sighed. "Before, he was a human, a Midgardian if you prefer. He was our butler... my friend. He still is. Anyway," Tony said, waving his hand, looking a bit disturbed. "I just get it. Howard was cold, he wasn't doing anything that wasn't planned, he didn't care about me, never showed me any kind of affection. It's to wonder if he ever held me in his arms. But I guess he tried his best, what do I know. My mother wasn't the same. And I know that if I had the opportunity to talk to her, even if she was away, I'd give everything to be able to do that. I never had the chance to tell them goodbye, they died in a car crash. There are... so many things I would have told her, if I had known. But you never know."

There was a moment of silence during which Loki stared insistently at Tony. The genius was avoiding his face, now, looking away, his head still against the wall. When he felt a bit uncomfortable by Loki's gaze, he looked at him again.

"But you know. My father was kinda like yours and I've never killed people because of it." Loki slightly narrowed his eyes.

"Why would you do such a thing as comparing me to yourself?" He finally asked.

"Did you listen to me?" Tony asked, not actually wanting an answer but Loki nodded anyway. Tony pursed his lips for a second. "We've been living the same way. And yet, here I am. On the other side of this cell." This last phrase didn't exactly pleased Loki as he looked away for just a short moment. Tony almost didn't see him do it.

"I am not one of you mortals," he said calmly.

"It doesn't exempt you from doing the right thing."

"Do you believe Odin does not have blood on his hands? Do you believe Thor does not either?" Tony narrowed his eyes for a split second. He wasn't sure if Loki was saying that to defend himself, or if it was to know what Tony was thinking of Thor and Odin. Either way, Tony decided to ignore the reason and just go with what he was thinking.

"It doesn't excuse anything, you should assume your actions instead of using this as an excu-"

"Don't you have blood on your hands?" Loki asked on the same tone as before, still really calm while Tony had been talking a bit louder. But now, silence filled the room as Tony closed his mouth, staring at the Asgardian.

"I have," Tony said after a while. "But at least I'm trying to own up to my mistakes."

Loki slightly raised his hands as if he was showing the cell.

"But you're not here because you want to be there, if you could, you'd leave," Tony said directly. Loki tilted his head as he slightly smiled. It was almost imperceptible, but Tony saw the left corner of his mouth curl up. He looked like he knew something Tony didn’t, and it bothered the man. "You don't regret your actions. You'd kill me right now if you had the chance."

"I would not," Loki said. Tony frowned.

"You threw me out a window a few months ago," he then said. Loki's smile only grew bigger. "It's not funny," Tony said more coldly.

"I do not think it is," Loki said quietly.

"Then stop smiling."

Loki looked away, his smile still on his face and he placed a strand of his curly black hair behind his ear. Tony looked at his fingers as they went through his hair. He looked so much more different now. When they had met, his hair was greasy, and he was clearly mentally disturbed. Now, he was looking good and more serene than ever.

"I never thought we would ever have this kind of conversation," Tony let out.

"Which kind?" Loki asked, still not looking at him.

"You know what I mean," Tony said as he rolled his eyes. Loki glanced at him, the smirk still on his face. "You've changed," he added.

"Please, do tell me more," Loki said as he turned his head to look at the man. Tony stopped himself from sighing. Loki wasn't often in this kind of mood. Actually, Tony wasn't exactly sure if he was in a good mood, but it was different than usual. And not so annoying, actually. It was just so weird that Tony didn't know how to react.

"Bruce used to say we could smell crazy on you," Tony said more quietly. "He told me this kind of things a few times, and he wasn't wrong. You lost your mind at some point, didn't you? But now, and I don't know if that's possible, you seem to have regained it. Unless you're putting up a show, then you're better than I expected because to be honest, I can't tell," he said, being probably too honest for the liking of the rest of the team. But did he care, really?

Loki finally stopped smiling. His smile fainted slowly, and Tony didn't know if it was because of what he was saying, or if it was because of his past.

"You will not know what happened to me right now," he said softly. So, something really did happen. Tony swallowed as he met Loki's green eyes. "After my visit on your precious planet, I was still very..." He stopped, looking away for a moment as he seemed to be disturbed by what he had been about to say. Now, he was searching for the right words, but they didn't want to come out. "Back on Asgard, it was hard. I was still... I still hadn't regained it, as you put it. Now that I am clear-sighted again, things are different."

"But it's too late for you to go back."

"I can never go back. But I accept my punishment."

"Again, it's not like you have the choice."

"Don't I, though?"

Tony stopped breathing for a moment. Loki kept hinting things like this and he didn't like it. At first, he hadn’t taken him seriously, he had just thought that Loki was trying to be threatening, but now, he was afraid that he was realizing what Loki knew that he didn't, and he didn't want to understand the meaning of his words.

"It seems like you are going to be stuck with me until the end of your days," he then said, smiling again.

At that point, Tony also realized that he didn't mind having him in the tower so much anymore.

 

_"How did you get out?" Tony asked, staring at Loki. He had got out of his bed after being woken up by some noise. He didn't know what it was, but when he had walked out of his room, when he had walked across the hallway, when he had arrived in the living-room, he had seen Loki standing in the middle of it. He didn't have his helmet, and his spear wasn't there either. But he was dressed the same as the first time he had seen him. Illusion._

_He could have his helmet and his weapon back if he wanted to. He could do anything he wanted to. He could kill Tony right now if he wanted to. Instead, they were staring at each other and Tony wasn't receiving any answer. He frowned._

_"You're not supposed to be here!" He said as he clenched his fists. Something told him that he should get one of his suits, but he didn't move. He glanced around as he heard some noise. He noticed the chess plate on the coffee table and he looked at Loki again._

_"The Chitauri are coming," he said calmly. "Nothing will change that."_

_What have I to fear? This phrase echoed in Tony's head even if Loki hadn't said it, because he had had this conversation before. Slowly, Loki walked towards Tony._

_Tony frowned, unable to walk away. He wasn't exactly afraid of Loki at that moment. He didn't have any weapon, he didn't have the scepter, his skin was pale, his hair was clean and placed behind his ears, his green eyes were fixed on Tony's face, peering curiously at him as he got closer._

_He was now right in front of him, Tony could touch him if he wanted to. He just had to raise his hand and he would reach him._

_He slowly looked down as he felt something on his chest. He stared at Loki's fingers on the edges of the Arc Reactor. A thought crossed Tony's mind at that moment. Was he going to try and pull it out of his chest?_

_He looked up at Loki who was staring at the Reactor, but he didn't say anything. He stared at his features and only blinked when Loki's eyes moved to meet his._

_"Do you have a heart, Anthony?" Loki asked quietly as he slightly tilted his head on the side. Tony frowned again as he breathed deeply, still feeling the tips of Loki's fingers on his chest, around the Arc Reactor._

_"Do you?" He finally let out. Loki didn't really react, at least he didn't show any emotion. Slowly, he straightened up and raised his head, his eyes stopping on the ceiling. Tony followed the gesture, doing the same._

_That's when he heard the familiar noise of the Chitauri. It was on the ceiling, just above them, staring, its weapon in its hand. It then jumped to attack Tony._

Tony woke up with a start, panting and sweating. It was enough.

 

Tony bent down to get closer to his tablet's screen. Sitting on the couch, he hadn't been able to go back to sleep. He had poured himself a drink and had taken his tablet to watch a recording. It was only the conversation he had had with Loki a few hours earlier. He had paused it when Loki had started to smile, staring at Tony with his head tilted. Tony had zoomed in on Loki. He was closer to the glass than usual, and he seemed extremely relaxed, staring at Tony with this amused expression and those curious eyes.

Tony grimaced at the straightened up, grabbing his glass to empty it with a single sip. He then zoomed out to be able to see the entire cell.

Loki had said too many times that he could probably escape if he wanted to for him not to have a plan. And maybe that was it, maybe he was messing with his head that day.

Or maybe he was serious. Maybe he really was accepting his punishment.

He had nothing in this cell, he couldn't possibly have something to escape. He couldn't use his magic either...

Reading Loki was so hard, it was actually impressive.

Tony sighed as he took his phone, quickly typing a message.

It was the middle of the night, but you never knew... And soon enough, his phone rang. He picked up.

"What are you doing up at this time of the night?" Tony asked Clint as he took the bottle next to his tablet, filling his glass with the alcohol.

"You're the one who just asked me if I was awake," Clint said. Tony smirked as he took a sip.

"Yes well, I won't ask you any more questions about that if you don't ask me any in return," he said. He heard Clint chuckle and he smiled.

"What is it, Tony?" Barton finally asked, sounding a bit more serious. Tony wouldn't contact him in the middle of the night just to talk to him about the weather.

Tony touched the screen of his tablet three times before he stared at the screen, a sharp pang of emotion in his chest, and he stopped breathing for a split second before he looked away, focusing on his phone call.

"I was wondering if you could tell me about something," he said.

"Hit me."

"Loki... What did he look like when he used the portal to come on Earth? How was he acting?" Tony asked quietly. The answer didn't come right away, and he could understand why. Clint was still holding a grudge against Loki for what he had done to him and it wasn't easy for him to talk about it. Tony had thought of Barton because of his nightmare, actually.

Because of Loki's question in it. _Do you have a heart, Anthony?_

He knew what Loki had told Clint before taking control of him. He had told him that he had a heart. But in his nightmare, it hadn't looked like Loki was going to try to brainwash him, he didn't even have his scepter. But since he hadn't been able to control him in the first place, maybe he was curious.

Once again, Tony had to remind himself that it was only a dream, so was it really making any sense anymore?

"Before he messed with my brain, you mean?" Clint suddenly asked.

"Yeah," Tony let out after another pause. 

He heard Clint's sigh and felt bad for asking him about it when he had himself always avoided questions the others could ask him about the bad things he had lived.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," he then added, just to make sure Clint was ok.

"Why d'you wanna know?" Clint asked, sounding slightly impatient. Tony didn't answer directly. He glanced at the screen again before he leaned back on the couch.

"Well, I couldn't sleep, and I was thinking about a lot of things. Then the Tesseract came in my mind and I thought about... everything, you know. And then about the fact that I have him a few floors under me, and I was wondering... That's all," he explained. Again, silence. He raised an eyebrow as he stared at his glass that he was holding on his thigh.

"He looked like a zombie, man," Clint finally let out, capturing Tony's attention again. "Even staying on his feet seemed hard sometimes, he looked exhausted. But not enough to stop himself from conquering the world, apparently."

Tony nodded uselessly, forgetting for a moment that Clint couldn't see him.

"Anything else?" He then asked. Now, Clint sounded really impatient.

"I don't know, he looked dirty, tired, sweaty and ready to fuck shit up, what do you want me to say? I was too busy to pay that much attention to his appearance," he said quickly, wanting to stop talking about it. Tony got the hint.

"Thank you," he only said once Clint was done. It had been quiet, but he was sure his friend had heard. He wasn't answering, and Tony finally hung up, leaving Clint disturbed by the call.

Tony straightened up on the couch again and he drank the rest of his drink before putting the glass and his phone on the table, near the bottle. He then glanced at the screen of his tablet again.

He sighed as he saw Loki lying on his mattress, looking harmless, one hand on his tummy, his eyes closed and his respiration steady. At least, one of them was able to sleep that night.


	8. The Books of Asgard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. So I didn't know I would be absent for so long guys. I never meant to abandon this story or anything, like not even once have I thought about it, but I have been so busy. I worked all summer long after my holidays and then with university, I just don't have a lot of free time. I've been working on this chapter for like two weeks, almost three, writing a few parts every day, trying my best to publish it as soon as I could but I was never satisfied.  
> Actually, I had written an entire other version of how the main conversation goes in this one, but I felt like it didn't fit and I allowed myself to change it all. So yeah, I hope you will enjoy it (and that you're still here to read it hahaha !)  
> I also took the time to go over the other chapters to correct my spelling mistakes (these are mostly due to me writing very late at night and being so tired that I write like shit). So I will update them right after posting this one.  
> I hope you will like this one ! :)

Only one of you can ascend to the throne. But both of you were born to be kings.

Staring at his ceiling, sitting on his couch as he was making a pen turn between his fingers, Tony was thinking about what Loki had told him the time they had had the conversation about his childhood. Loki wasn’t saying things that were useless, during their serious conversations. And when they weren’t having them, they were throwing sarcastic comments at each other or playing chess in silence. Tony had taken the time to think about everything Loki was saying. He wasn’t stupid, he was able to put two and two together.

He had directly understood that when Loki had mentioned Thor’s friends, it was because he hadn’t had any. That he had to grow up alone, maybe playing with Thor and Thor’s friends, yes, but never his own. He had understood how hard it had been for him to grow up in Thor’s shadow, even with his mother and no matter how much he had loved her, how much he was still loving her. His need of being recognized as Thor’s equal, if not more, had been bigger than all of this. Maybe he hadn’t even been able to enjoy properly his mother’s presence because of that. Maybe he was regretting it now.

But all of these were only hypothesis. Tony wasn’t in Loki’s head and never would be. He had to wait for him to open up. But he did know that he was still loving her. That he was able to feel some things other than anger, envy, greed and misery.

He closed his eyes for a second as he heard a clap of thunder.

Again, it didn’t take long before he realized what was going on. He quickly stood up, dropping the pen on the coffee table before he quickly walked towards the huge balcony on which Loki had stood during his final battle. He knew a storm wasn’t coming… He opened the window and stepped on the balcony, surprised to see Thor.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, eyeing the two men that were standing behind him, hands full of books. Were they guards? They had heavy armors on them and tony wondered if it was real gold, or if it was another material coming from Asgard.

“Tony Stark, do you not remember your request?” Thor said with a grin as he opened his arms to show the men behind him. Tony noticed the bottle in his right hand. He didn’t say anything, still too taken aback. Thor walked towards Tony and his left arm went around Tony’s shoulders as he walked towards the tower. “My mother was very pleased by your letter and your interest in Asgard. I believe she holds you in high regard. I have told her many stories about you, she had a lot of questions!” He kept on going without stopping to breathe, stepping in the tower. He finally let go of Tony as he kept walking until he turned to face his host. That’s when Tony noticed that the two men had been following them as they walked past him and went to stand behind Thor again. Their armors were making noise, but he had been so surprised by this quick answer to his letter that he had been too focused on Thor. Again, he opened his arms as he talked loudly. “Here I am, bringing you important knowledges about the realms, I am sure you will soon lose track of time as you will study these books. But I also have a present for you,” he said as he took a few steps towards Tony who looked up at Thor. The god raised his hand, showing the bottle, he was holding. “My father asked me to give you this, too. I do not believe you will be able to drink this, but I noticed you liked this kind of beverage.”

Tony looked away for a moment, glancing at the opened bottle of whisky on the table and at his empty glass. How thoughtful. He looked at Thor again.

“Why would your father give me anything?” He asked as he finally took the bottle in his hands.

“Because he wanted to know about you too, of course! And he knows you are the one keeping Loki locked up, keeping everyone safe. I believe he is thankful,” Thor explained.

“Yeah, I bet he’s great like that,” Tony said quietly as he looked at the bottle. When he glanced at Thor again, he saw that the man was still smiling. He cleared his throat. “Well, um, thank you, Thor. Excuse me, I didn’t expect you to come back so quickly,” he said, walking quickly towards the couch. He put the bottle on the coffee table and turned to look at the guards. What a weird situation. “Well, um, maybe you though guys should put those somewhere. Just… Near the bookshelf, that should do it,” he said as he pointed the bookshelf he was talking about.

With a quick look at Thor and a nod from the god, the two guards did as they were told.

“Are you planning on staying?” Tony asked in the meantime.

“Not this time, my friend,” he said. “Battles are being fought and I need to be there,” he said before looking at the guards. “I’ll join you soon,” he only said, and the two guys seemed to understand. Tony watched them as they walked outside again. When he looked at Thor again, he saw that he was closer than before. “Here,” he said, staring at Tony.

Tony glanced down, seeing that Thor was handing him a scroll of parchment.

“Oh, is this for me, too?” He asked as he put his hand on it. When he tried to take it, though, he realized that Thor wasn’t letting go. He looked up at him again.

“This one is for you,” he said as he pointed at the bookshelf. On one of the books, Tony could see another scroll. His gaze slowly drifted on Thor again as he understood.

“This one’s for Loki,” he said more quietly.

“It is,” Thor said, still not letting go of it. “I will need you to be honest with me, this time, Tony Stark,” Thor said. Tony was fearing this moment. “Have you allowed my brother to write back?” He asked. Tony swallowed as he looked down at the parchment again.

“Your mother probably wants to keep writing to him, even if he can’t write back,” he said before he met Thor’s eyes again. He knew that Thor wasn’t believing him, that he probably knew the truth. But he kept staring back at him, trying to not let his expression change.

Slowly, Thor’s fingers let go of the parchment and Tony held it tighter as he kept it away from Thor’s hands, now.

“I am simply following the rules. Maybe you should think about doing the wisest choice, Tony Stark. Do not put yourself in danger,” Thor said, surprising Tony quite a bit. But if Thor was letting him have this letter anyway, didn’t it mean that he was letting him do it? Did he just want to let Tony make his own choices, or did he want Loki to be able to talk to Frigga?

He stopped thinking about it when Thor gave him a tap on the shoulder, making him grimace.

“I will see you soon, Man of Iron!”

“Yeah…” Tony said quietly, his eyes on the books.

A quarter of an hour later, Tony was still thinking about the conversation and still holding the Loki’s letter between his two hands as he was staring at the mark Thor had left on his balcony as he had returned to Asgard.

 

“You never had that drink,” Tony said. Loki opened his eyes, staring at the white ceiling for a moment. He took his time to sit up on the bed before turning his head to look at Tony. He was up the steps, one hand behind his back, the other was showing him a bottle that he was holding up. Loki narrowed his eyes for a short moment before he finally turned his body, putting his feet on the floor.  He stood up and started to walk slowly towards Tony. “Were you asleep?”

Loki didn’t answer as he kept staring at Tony for a moment. His eyes moved to see another box near the one Tony had brought a long time ago already. Tony moved the hand behind his back to show Loki that he was holding two glasses.

“I didn’t think I would actually have that drink one day,” he only said, not answering the question about sleeping.

“Well, I didn’t either,” Tony said as he walked towards his usual seat. The cell was already opened like it was when they were playing chess and Tony put the two glasses next to him as he started opening the bottle.

“What is all this?” Loki asked as he looked at the boxes again, then at the bottle. He was approaching his own improvised seat and noticed two scrolls of parchment near the glasses.

“Gifts, let’s say,” Tony chuckled. Loki slightly frowned and sat down in front of Tony, seeing him through the drawings on the glass. “The books your mother gave to me, the alcohol Odin gave to me, and the answers to our letters,” he simply said. Loki looked down at the glasses that were being filled with the alcohol.

“Odin gave this to you? Why?” He asked. Tony glanced at him, but Loki was firmly staring at the glasses, and Tony starting to pour the alcohol in the second one.

“I’m not sure. Thor says it’s kind of a thank you gift for what I’m doing. You know, keeping you locked up. Away from any kind of distraction,” he said with a smirk as he glanced at Loki again. But the Asgardian still didn’t seem to be about to look at him. Tony slightly pushed the glass towards the opening in the transparent wall separating them. “Here.”

“And you are sharing it with me,” he said quietly, eyes on his glass but not taking it.

“Well, yeah. I mean, imagine his face if he knew who was drinking this?” tony said as he chuckled. He didn’t know why Loki didn’t seem to be in a really good mood, after all, he hated the man.

“Do you dislike him?” Loki asked. Tony lost his smile as he stared at Loki for a moment. When, finally, Loki looked up to meet his eyes, Tony sighed.

“I have a grudge against most fathers, not yours specifically,” he said before rectifying immediately. “By “yours”, I mean-“

“It’s fine,” Loki said quietly before finally taking the glass Tony had offered him and appreciating that Tony had wanted to correct his words.

“Is it?”

“I am used to people calling him my father.”

“But it usually makes you angry,” Tony pointed out, having already seen the reaction Loki could have.

“Well, I’m tired,” he simply said, staring at the brown liquid in his glass. Tony slightly nodded.

“I won’t call him that anymore, I promise,” Tony said quietly. Loki glanced at him again, meeting his eyes. They both stared for a moment before Tony finally looked at his glass again. “Well, here’s to Odin,” he said, ready to drink.

“I wouldn’t actually do this, if I were you,” Loki said. Tony raised an eyebrow as he looked at the Asgardian. “It’s not the same as your alcohol. You should be careful.”

“Are you doubting my ability to hold my drink?” He asked, and Loki’s gaze slowly drifted down on Tony’s smile before he looked up at his eyes again.

He didn’t say anything. A very small smile appeared on his lips and he hid it with his glass as he drank a first sip. Tony, still smiling, did the same. Still, he was a bit hesitant now and he didn’t drink too much of it. As he swallowed, he could already feel the burning of the alcohol in his chest and he closed his eyes as he felt his mouth burning too. He couldn’t help but cough, only making Tony’s smile bigger.

“What did I tell you?” He asked, still quietly. Tony kept his eyes closed and his jaw clenched for a moment, before finally opening them again. He looked up at the ceiling, mouth open as he was taking some fresh air in, and tears in the corners of his eyes. It was already getting to his head. He put down the glass and moved on his seat, resting his back against the wall.

“What the hell is this?” He asked as he looked at Loki again. He saw the man emptying the rest of his glass in one gulp before smiling at him. He seemed in a better mood already, even if he was still speaking quietly.

“How strong is your alcohol, here?” Loki asked. Tony slightly shook his head as he looked at the boxes near him. Loki rolled his eyes, muttering a “Midgardians…” as he watched Tony grabbing the box he had brought down some time ago. He removed the chess plate and put it next to the box before getting out a bottle from the inside.

“Want a taste?” He asked. That, at least, he could drink.

“Are you going to finish your glass?” Loki asked before answering his question. Tony grimaced as he looked at it. He finally pushed it towards the cell for Loki to take it. As the Asgardian did so, he also put the empty glass in front of the cell for Tony to take it back and pour the whisky in it. When this was done, Loki crossed his legs, watching Tony look in the box again while holding the glass on his lap.

Tony got a few books out of the box, that he was putting down near him.

“I thought that maybe, you’d like to have something to read, here. I don’t know if you will like these, but I figured it was better than nothing,” he explained, his head spinning a little. “Maybe you should begin with Shakespeare, you might like his books and I’ve got a few,” he kept saying, Loki’s gaze still on him. “And…” Tony turned, looking at the parchments before pushing the one for Loki in the opening. “You should read this too, I guess. It’s from your mother. She answered me too,” he said as he pointed at his scroll with his chin, “and I’ve read it already. She gave me some books for you too, actually,” he explained as he pointed at the other box. “I brought everything here, I thought maybe… maybe you could tell me more about what’s in them when I’ll start reading mine,” he said, finally looking at Loki again.

To his surprise, Loki only slowly nodded as he took the scroll between his fingers. But he didn’t read it right away, he put it next to him, stared at it for a second before looking at Tony again.

“No objection?” Tony asked.

“No objection,” Loki answered. He then raised his glass, nodding at Tony and he drank the rest of it.

 

“I shouldn’t be here,” Tony said quietly after a moment. The exchange had been made, Loki had the books in his cell, he had tasted the whisky after having finished his glass and he liked it but preferred the bottle Thor had brought and he had taken some more while Tony was perfectly fine with his own alcohol. They were still sitting there, backs against the wall, staring in front of them.

“Have you only come to that realization now?” Loki asked, his fingers slowly moving on the edge of his glass that he had placed between his legs. The room was a bit darker than usual, because Tony had asked Jarvis to change the lighting. Loki had asked if his head was hurting or if, maybe, it was because of what he had just tasted. Tony had answered by drinking his whisky as he had glanced at Loki.

“Of course not,” Tony said.

“And yet, here you are,” Loki said quietly. Tony slowly nodded before he turned his head to look at Loki.

“Am I making a mistake?” He asked quietly. Loki slightly tilted his head, taking his time to answer.

“By coming here? By talking to me? I am not the one you should ask this question to.”

“By trusting you,” Tony finally let out before looking down at his own drink. There was a moment of silence Loki used to stare at the man sitting next to him.

“Do you really?” He then asked. At first, Tony didn’t answer. Then, he looked up, resting his head against the wall as he shrugged. He ended up chuckling as he slightly shook his head. He felt stupid.

“Again, I shouldn’t. And yet, here I am,” he said as he looked at Loki, meeting his eyes.

“Here you are,” Loki said quietly, his eyes slightly moving to stop on a few of Tony’s features. “I believe you are a smart man, Anthony, but I do not know if the alcohol is talking for you,” he kept on going. “But I don’t believe you are making a mistake.”

“Of course, you don’t,” Tony chuckled. You wouldn’t tell me so,” he said quickly. “If you’re trying to mess with my head, you’re not going to tell me so,” he said, putting his glass next to him. Loki could see the change in his behavior and knew the alcohol had something to do with it. Then, maybe he wouldn’t remember this conversation the next day.

“What if I am not trying to mess with your head?” Loki asked.

“Why wouldn’t you?” Tony asked, looking at Loki again as he slightly narrowed his eyes. “I’m the one keeping you locked up here.”

“And yet, you are the only one spending time with me, the only one that keeps coming back to me. I don’t believe it’s because you’re feeling guilty. And lately, I don’t believe it’s because you only want to know about my story,” Loki said, still very calm.

“Then, why do you think I’m here?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?” Loki asked, his fingers putting a strand of his hair behind his ear as he turned a bit, his shoulder now resting against the wall for him to face Tony. He tilted his head, letting it rest against the wall too as he stared.

Tony didn’t answer, because he wasn’t sure. Yes, he still wanted to know about his story. Of course. And yet, he had learned to appreciate the times he was going down to the second floor to play chess with Loki. He had caught himself being impatient during the day, waiting for everyone to leave to finally be able to go down and talk to him. Because lately, it was the most exciting part of his life. It was what was making him feel new things and experience new things, he could learn about new things, talk about new things. Everything was different. He liked it, he needed this in his life, now. And he had noticed that his visits were more frequent than before.

And he knew that what was exciting wasn’t the fact that it was forbidden. But he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what was making him feel this way.

“I would have been able to get out of here some time ago, if messing with your pretty head was what I was trying to do,” he said, sounding only mildly sarcastic.

“That,” Tony said directly, also turning his body to face Loki, “you keep telling me that. But it’s… I have no proof of that, what if that’s just another game? What if you’re just… Trying to make me believe you accept all of this? So that if you get out, it’ll be on me?”

Loki slightly narrowed his eyes again, as he observed Tony for a moment. He knew it was only a question of time before he’d leave the room, angry. He didn’t want that, that night.

“Do you want a proof?” Loki asked.

“I… Do I want you to get out?” Tony asked, frowning as he shook his head.

“Only a proof that I can, but I won’t leave. Because like I told you, I accept my punishment,” he said quietly.”

Again, Tony didn’t answer. He couldn’t. Because if he was accepting, maybe Loki could actually get out. But if he was saying no, didn’t it mean he was trusting him? He closed his eyes for a moment, his thoughts interlacing. He could usually enjoy forgetting about some of the most serious stuff, not be able to think straight for an evening. But lately, he hadn’t been able to appreciate that. And not that night. When he opened his eyes again, he blinked before staring at Loki once again.

The Asgardian wasn’t moving, and it’s only after another few seconds that he raised his glass. His eyes finally moved to look at the alcohol in it. He slowly took a sip, glancing at Tony, before he raised the glass again to check the quantity left in it.

“Alright,” he sighed.

He moved again, and Tony watched as he passed his hand, still holding the glass, in the opening.

“Why don’t you take this?” He asked. Tony glanced at Loki’s face, then at the glass again. Slowly, he moved and put a hand under it, the other around it. As he was going to put it down, he felt Loki’s hand on his own, on the one that was around the glass. He quickly looked up.

It wasn’t the same kind of touch as the first time they had interact, when Loki had grabbed his throat. He didn’t want Tony to move, but he wasn’t using any strength, he had just put his hand on his.

“Don’t put it away, I need it,” he said, staring at the glass.

Tony wouldn’t say Loki’s hands were cold. But they weren’t warm either. Definitely colder than just tepid. His own hand felt cold when Loki removed his fingers, though, while the rest of his body felt warm. He swallowed as he looked down at the glass. He saw Loki’s long fingers moving to touch it. He kept the tip of his forefinger and his middle finger against the glass, at the level of the alcohol.

“Pay attention, now,” he then said.

Tony saw it happen. He wasn’t sure, at first, but as he stared at the alcohol, he saw it changing. It was only a point, in the beginning, in the middle of the liquid. A white point that slowly grew, like branches were coming out of that tiny point. When Loki removed his fingers and that Tony raised the glass, he could see all these branches in the lighter liquid that wasn’t even moving anymore, frozen. He raised it a bit more, looking under the glass, were his fingers had been a few seconds before. He could see the form of his hand, as the temperature of his body had been way different from the glass’ temperature at that point.

Finally, and slowly, Tony put down the glass as he stared at Loki. He could see the tip of his two fingers against the big wall of glass separating them, now, while the rest of his hand was in the opening. Tony could reach it, if he wanted to. Instead, he stared at the fingers against the glass. Were they blue? He wasn’t sure, because of the lighting. But he saw the ice emanating from them. Not alone, with some fumes as the new branches made their way on the glass. Loki had something in mind, and Tony noticed that they were following the lines forming the Yggdrasil.

Except that it was way more detailed than the drawing. There were many more roots, the bark was visible, there were more branches and now each realm was drawn in circles of ice. It wasn’t any ordinary ice, Tony could tell. It looked like it was shining in the dark because of its colors. And as he glanced at the glass of whisky, he saw that nothing had changed, it hadn’t started to melt. He wanted to look up at the tree again but for a moment, his eyes stopped on Loki’s hand. This time, he was sure of it, it was blue. Blue, with different lines that he couldn’t make out.

And when he looked up again, he saw that the drawing of Jotunheim was now completely made of ice. Every line had been traced on both sides of the glass.

Tony didn’t know how to feel. He didn’t know how to process all of this. What he knew was that the alcohol couldn’t even drive his thoughts far away from that scene, he wouldn’t forget it. It was incredible. Surreal. It wasn’t something he would ever be able to explain. And it was keeping so much more things from him. Tony knew what it meant, Tony knew from where Loki was coming, now. It was implying so many things. How could he react in front of that?

By studying the source.

Automatically, Tony looked at Loki’s blue hand again. He raised his own to reach it, but Loki directly removed his fingers from the glass, keeping his hand away from Tony who stopped in his track. They both looked at each other, Tony meeting’s Loki’s eyes. He didn’t look annoyed, nor angry, nor afraid, but kind of worried? It was the same mysterious look Tony had already seen on his face. This time, he knew that the pain in his eyes was real.

Still looking at Loki in the eye, he tried to approach his hand again, going through the opening only for Loki to move his own hand back one more time. They stayed silent, as Tony approached again, a bit slower than before. Finally, Loki stopped moving away and instead, he let Tony’s fingers meet his cold hand.

Tony was slow, his fingers going around Loki’s hand before softly pulling it through the gap, on his side. His eyes finally left Loki’s to look at what had happened there. He let his fingers move on that blue hand, feeling the lines that were forming drawings he had never seen before, wanting to ask millions of questions. When he finally looked up, he saw that Loki wasn’t looking at him but at his hand, too. He didn’t look worried anymore, still not annoyed, though. Was it disappointment?

When his eyes drifted down again, Tony noticed the shining bracelet on Loki’s forearm, remembering the point he was trying to prove with the use of his power.

“So… These have been useless all along?” He asked as he slightly pointed the bracelet with his chin, still staring at it. Loki looked down at it too before glancing at the one on his other arm. He then looked at Tony again.

“Not exactly. They block the magic I was taught indeed. But I think no one noticed I could still use these… natural powers,” he said quietly.

“And they are natural because,” Tony began, his eyes going up on the icy form representing Jotunheim, “you’re actually from that realm, not Asgard.”

“Correct,” Loki said even more quietly, Tony barely heard him.

“Jotunheim, land of the monsters,” Tony said, staring at Loki who just pursed his lips. “As you put it, right? But is that what it is? Is that what you think? I get it, that’s what they told you it was.”

“No offense but I doubt you do get it, actually,” Loki said.

“Offense taken,” Tony said directly. Loki looked away at his words, hiding the hint of a smile. The situation wasn’t making him want to smile, but Tony was, and he didn’t like that, not now. “But I still believe your opinion is wrong.”

“How so?”

“Are you a monster?” Tony asked.

“Wouldn’t you consider me to be one? Haven’t I tried to rule you? Haven’t I killed? Betrayed the people you call my family?”

“But are you one, truly?” Tony asked directly, not letting Loki continue. “Or did you become one after you learned your origins?”

Loki stayed silent as he only stared at Tony, barely aware that his hand was still between the genius’ fingers. It wasn’t blue anymore; the effects of his powers had worn off and his hand was slowly becoming warmer.

“I did ruin Thor’s big day before knowing about it,” he said, not mentioning that it was what had led to his discovery. Tony slowly looked away as he slightly frowned before glancing at Loki again. It sounded like Loki was insisting for him to see him as a monster. Or was he testing him?

“You said you were doing what needed to be done. Why did you ruin the day, then?” He asked, hoping he would finally have an answer to that question.

“You’ve been spending time with Thor, you should know,” Loki only mumbled as he looked away, turning his head to stare at the wall of his cell. Tony narrowed his eyes as he thought about it. It took a minute for him to gather everything, to think about Thor’s behavior, Thor’s intelligence, his way of dealing with problems. He knew the guy could be smart, but he was often rushing headlong when an enemy was in sight. He was a nice guy, but he had done something and had been punished for it, that was why he had come on earth for the first time. He wasn’t perfect, obviously, and at the time, not worthy of the throne. Tony looked at Loki again.

“He didn’t deserve the throne,” he said quietly. Loki slowly looked down at the floor as he thought about it all, remembering the events. “You told me you didn’t want it, you just wanted to delay his coronation. Why did you change your mind?”

“You’re going too fast,” Loki said calmly, finally looking at Tony again. He didn’t answer, he only pursed his lips as he met Loki’s eyes, wondering if he was finally going to have an explanation or if Loki was going to decide that it was the end of the meeting.

The Asgardian took a deep breath as he turned his head again, his eyes resting on the letter next to him. After a moment, he started speaking again.

“On that day, the entire kingdom was so excited, everyone was there, we were all watching as Odin was going to make Thor the new king, no matter how arrogant or reckless he could be. I had planned everything beforehand, of course. I wouldn’t have risked the place I grew up in to be ruled by him as long as he was irresponsible. It doesn’t matter if now, he is. It doesn’t matter if he still isn’t. I just couldn’t let it happen,” he said, slightly shaking his head. “Do you know my title?” He then asked, looking almost like he had lost his interest in the conversation as he was still looking away.

“Yeah, the God of Mischief,” Tony said. He didn’t know much about their stories, since he had always believed the gods and other worlds weren’t existing, but he knew a few things he had been told over the last year. “Not for nothing, I guess.”

Finally, he got a small smile from Loki as he chuckled quietly. Loki looked at him, the right corner of his mouth still curled up as he examined Tony’s features.

“I’ve always been…” The smile still on his lips, Loki closed his eyes for a second before it slowly fainted away when he opened them again. “And with the magic I learned, I could do so many things. One of Thor’s friends not very fond of me, mostly because of all my tricks,” he added, making Tony smile this time.

“Come on, who doesn’t like a trickster?” He asked.

The vide in the room was clearly less tense than it usually was. Even when they were only playing chess, sometimes talking at the same time, there was still an awkwardness and a tension between the two of them. But not this time.

“Lady Sif, apparently,” Loki said more quietly, looking quite amused.

“Were you fond of her?” Tony asked directly, an eyebrow raised and a knowing smile on his lips. Again, Loki chuckled as he shook his head.

“Even if I was, I believe she had a thing for my brother,” he said. Tony didn’t show any reaction when he heard Loki calling Thor his brother. “But I’ve never thought about her this way. I wasn’t really interested in spending time with them if it wasn’t to annoy them. It was always playing, though. But I was spending a lot of time by myself. I could disappear for hours without anyone noticing. I discovered my ways in Asgard. The Bifröst isn’t the only way to leave the realm,” he said, locking his eyes in Tony’s again, with a new expression for him to discover.

It seemed like the perspective of knowing more than the others about this realm that wasn’t even his own was exciting. Maybe because it was some kind of being powerful. It was showing Tony how cunning he was, and Tony tried not to smile.

He didn’t know why he was feeling the corner of his mouth curl up. It wasn’t that he was impressed, or that the thought of a younger Loki walking around Asgard, playing tricks on people and discovering a lot of things by himself was making him feel good. After all, he didn’t even know what Asgard looked like, right? Was it because he could see himself in some of Loki’s words? But his childhood and teenage years weren’t usually making him smile.

“I’ve told you about the Casket,” Loki continued, tapping the glass where he had drawn the Casket of Ancient Winters with a finger of his free hand. Tony promptly nodded. “They’ve always tried to retrieve it. It contains their power, and like I said, Jotunheim started to deteriorate when it was taken away. It is useless in an Asgardian’s hands, no one can use it but the Jotuns. If you try, you will only end up badly injured,” Loki said, adding details he knew Tony would like to know. He had a curious mind. “I just thought that I would show them a way to get it, knowing that they would never be able to steal it. Odin has his ways to protect the relics. I believe you might have heard of the Destroyer?”

“Yeah, Fury told me about it when you came on Earth, after we got you in the cell. You sent it here to kill Thor,” Tony said, remembering how Nick Fury had explained what it was and what had happened. Loki slightly nodded.

“It was the guardian of the relics.”

“So, the Jotuns were killed when they tried to take the Casket,” Tony said, following easily the story and understanding Loki’s plan. He just disturbed the ceremony, he knew no harm would come out of it. But it wasn’t it, this wasn’t the way of proving Thor wasn’t ready to be a king.

“The first part of the plan was quite a success, I like to say,” Loki said sarcastically as if he had read in Tony’s thoughts. He knew he had understood everything. “The ceremony was stopped, we went on the scene, the Casket was still there… Of course, no one understood how they were able to enter the place, I was the only one to know. Thor was so mad. He has always hated them,” Loki said, more quietly at the end. “All of them,” he added, looking away. Tony slightly frowned as he rested his shoulder against the wall, still staring at the Asgardian, his hands still holding Loki’s as if it was natural.

“But he never knew about you at the time, right?”

“No. And I still didn’t know, of course. But I grew up with him talking about how when he would be king, he would hunt the monsters down and kill them all. Odin was wiser when it was coming to wars. But this isn’t the subject we’re discussing here,” Loki said as he looked at Tony again, making him understand that he didn’t want more questions about this.

Tony, knowing that he was kind of lucky to have all these information delivered on a silvery plate that night, didn’t ask anything else.

“We weren’t supposed to do anything about it, but I knew how angry Thor was. On his big day, you can imagine,” Loki said, glancing at Tony who slightly nodded. “We were talking and…” Loki suddenly became quiet as he seemed to be thinking about something.

“He decided to do something against them anyway?” Tony asked tentatively after a few seconds of silence. Loki didn’t answer immediately, he stayed silent for a while longer before finally looking at Tony again.

“I made him go attack them,” he said, deciding not to lie, deciding to take the blame for that too. After all, it was true, he had influenced Thor but had acted innocently. “I made it look like the decision was his own. We weren’t alone, and I told him things, I told him that he couldn’t attack them without disobeying, so that he couldn’t. This way, I didn’t look suspicious to the others,” he explained. “Thor convinced his friends, and I followed, not without telling a guard about it. Just to give us enough time to go to Jotunheim and attack them. And even there, I acted like I wanted us to leave,” he continued without stopping, now. “I told him it was insane, that he was disobeying, that we should let Odin deal with it. But his pride… He just had to show them that you don’t mess with him,” he said. “And during the fight, I…”

This time, the silence was heavier. Loki was looking down at his left arm, mouth closed.

“One of the Frost Giants grabbed my arm, broke my armor with the strength of his fist only, and tried to hurt me with his powers,” he finally said, more quietly. “Volstagg got hurt by one of them this way,” he said, not precising who Volstagg was. Tony deduced he was one of Thor’s friends. “A nasty frostbite. He told us to be careful not to let them touch us. That’s when I was grabbed. But I wasn’t injured. He tried, and my entire arm just turned…” He was still staring at his arm, slowly closing his fingers before opening them again.

“That’s when you understood?”

“Not really,” Loki said, turning his head to look at the wall again. “At least, I didn’t want to consider the option. I thought that maybe, I had been cursed or something. I almost hoped I was,” he added. Tony looked down as he pursed his lips for a second, noticing that he was still holding his hand. One of his hands was near his wrist while the other was holding the right side of Loki’s hand, his fingers pressed against Loki’s palm. He kept looking at it, even if it wasn’t blue anymore. His skin was pale, soft, his hand was looking almost fragile.

“Then, how?” He asked, still staring at his hand, knowing Loki would understand the question.

“We kept fighting, but we were trapped there. We had been warned, if Asgard was at risk, the door wouldn’t be opened for us. So, what do you think happen?” Loki asked, finally looking at Tony again, who was still looking down as he was thinking about it. He was going over all the information Loki had provided him with to find the answer. It came back to him.

“You told the guard about it, so he could tell Odin, because he needed to know if you wanted Thor to be punished. You knew he would do something about it,” he said, looking up to meet Loki’s eyes.

“Correct.”

Loki stayed quiet, staring at Tony. The genius couldn’t really read his expression, and his eyes were moving quickly as he was trying to analyze it. They stopped when Loki finally moved his hand. It wasn’t to remove it from Tony’s grip. He just slowly closed his fingers, unconsciously, making him hold Tony’s, tightening his grip around his palm. Tony felt it, but he didn’t say anything about it, it just made him feel weird. Not uncomfortable, just nervous. Not because he knew that he had his powers and that he was maybe about to freeze him to death, he couldn’t identify the cause of his anxiety.

“Is the rest of the story for another time?” he finally quietly asked, barely hearing himself talk. Loki had no problem, because Tony hadn’t been as quiet as he thought he was, there were just too many thoughts going through his head for him to hear himself talk.

“No,” Loki said calmly.

“What happened, then?”

“I’m thinking.”

“About what?” Tony asked, curious. Loki hadn’t blinked in a while now, and Tony felt like he was reading him. Even if it had been something he could do with the magic he had learned, because who the fuck knew what he could do anymore, he was sure that he couldn’t use these powers, so he knew that his thoughts were hidden in his brain. But still, it was as if Loki was trying to find something out.

But in reality, in that moment, Loki wasn’t trying to read Tony. He had realized what his hand had done after it had done it, and he didn’t know why his fingers had closed on Tony’s. He just knew that he had never been interested in a Midgardian this way. And still, Tony had something about him. And right now, Loki knew it had nothing to do with his intelligence or his dry wit, it was more profound, but he didn’t know what it was. He took a deep breath but spoke with a low voice.

“Once back on Asgard, Odin was furious. Thor had just declared war. Odin had worked hard to get a peace treaty between Asgard and Jotunheim, there had been battles that costed more than just his eye, like the last one with them did. His behavior proved he couldn’t be a king just yet. But to be honest, I didn’t think he would ever banish him,” Loki kept on going, looking away.

Tony had noticed this kind of behavior when Loki was giving a hint on how he was truly feeling. What he had implied here was that he never thought the favorite one would be banished.

“You thought he’d just delay the ceremony, punish him in some way so he’d take responsibility for his actions,” Tony said and Loki slightly nodded. “Is this when it cha-“

“No,” Loki said as he closed his eyes for a second, before meeting Tony’s. “I’ve told you before, your-“

“My curiosity is taking the best of me, I know,” Tony said as he rolled his eyes, letting his body rest against the wall as one of his legs was hanging from the edge of his makeshift chair. He was slightly swinging it, his feet meeting one of the steps now and then, his left temple against the wall, as was his shoulder, still holding hand with Loki.

Again, the god took a long and deep breath as he watched that spectacle, not being able to contain the smile his lips were forming. “I’m listening,” Tony said solemnly, and Loki had to turn his head again, looking away for a moment as he forced his lips to stop.

“It changed when I confronted Odin about what happened,” he said quietly, finally looking at the man in front of him again. “Well, he came to find me, actually.”

He blinked, staying silent for a moment, waiting for another question. But Tony didn’t say anything, so he continued.

“I went down to see the Casket. Like I said, it is useless if you are not Jotun, you can’t even touch it with your bare hands,” he said. “So I touched it. I took the handles between my hands, gripped it tight,” he said as Tony felt that the grip on his fingers was becoming slightly tighter as well, “and I lifted it.”

He stayed silent again, his chest moving up and down faster than before, but not enough for it to be perceptible from behind the glass. He was looking at the tray of ice that was still on the cell, and his eyes went down until they met their hands. He didn’t move for a moment, he just blinked as he felt his eyes stinging. But he couldn’t do anything of the sort at the moment. So, he swallowed and looked at Tony again, blinking fast again, betraying his sentiment.

“I didn’t see myself,” he said, not entirely closing his mouth afterwards, as he was now breathing with it, his breath trembling as it was coming out. “Only my hands, but I felt it in my entire body as soon as I touched it, I felt it inside me as much as I felt it outside. It completely changed, turned-“ he stopped, knowing Tony was understanding that his body had turned that weird shade of blue.

Tony wasn’t weirded out by it, one of the only things that crossed his mind was a thought about the light lines that were coming with the change. How were they drawn on Loki’s face? Were the shapes as fascinating as the ones on his hand? Would he ever be able to see it and stare for as long as he wanted because he was drawn by it? But then again, was he drawn by the unknown knowledge Loki was representing and able to provide him with, or was he drawn by the true personality and story that was still hidden inside of him, the personality Tony was slowly starting to discover. And Tony knew there was still so much for him to learn, and he wanted to know everything. And yet, the more he was learning, the more he wished that the number of stories wasn’t being reduced with each of his visits, the he wished that there were still a ton of things Loki had to tell him, things that he would be the only one to know.

“Odin arrived, he wanted to stop me from taking the Casket. I just wanted to know. I asked him if I was cursed, because it didn’t make any sense. He said I wasn’t, so I had my answer. But I still asked how it happened. I knew it all went down during his last battle with the Frost Giants,” he continued, feeling unsettling goosebumps going up his arms and shoulders. “He didn’t only take the Casket from Laufey,” he then almost murmured. “He took me.”

Tony wasn’t sure how to interpret his last words. Did it mean that he was the son of Laufey? But then who was Laufey? Again, the words “Only one of you can ascend to the throne. But both of you were born to be kings” came in Tony’s mind and he pondered for a second… He lifted his head from against the wall as he tried to meet Loki’s eyes, but the demigod seemed a bit disturbed and wouldn’t look at him directly into the eyes. He didn’t ask anything, as Loki seemed to be searching for his words. He didn’t want to interrupt him in this moment.

It took another moment for Loki to regain some sort of composure, as he closed his eyes, took a long breath and then looked at Tony again.

“So, I asked _why_ ,” he said more coldly, articulating the last word slowly. “Why would he take me, when he had been murdering Jotuns after Jotuns before finding me.” He clenched his jaw and Tony saw how bright his eyes were. But there were no tears, and Tony didn’t expect him to let the get out in front of him. “I just couldn’t listen to his words… His son… An innocent child,” he scoffed as he looked away, some kind of silent anger deforming his features as he articulated the rest of his talk with his adoptive father, louder than before. “He actually thought he could use me to unite our kingdoms, so there would be peace through me, as if-!” He suddenly stopped, like he had noticed that he was losing the control he usually had over his temper while remembering this painful conversation with Odin. “Then, since Thor had declared war, he said that these plans didn’t matter anymore. I was useless,” he said as he looked at Tony again, somehow defiantly.

It had been hard to hear. No, Loki hadn’t just been adopted. He had been taken by Odin, but he had never belonged in Asgard, not truly. He had grown up hearing stories about these monsters, heard Thor say he would kill them all, only to learn he was one of them. Before hearing he had been brought there for a purpose, not because he was “an innocent child”. And still, there was something he couldn’t shake.

“Did he actually say that you were?” He asked quietly.

“Does it matter?” Loki asked directly, as if he had been waiting for the question. Tony looked down. Loki was so angry, it was almost palpable. “It’s all the same to me,” he then said more quietly. “He said that, on Jotunheim, when he found me, I had been abandoned, left to die.” Tony looked up again. “Do you want to know what he said during my trial, when I told him ruling a kingdom was my birthright?” Loki asked with some kind of self-sufficiency, as if thinking of Odin was making him act this way.

“Tell me,” Tony said, almost whispering.

“That my birthright was to die, cast out onto a frozen rock.” As Tony didn’t say anything and as Loki couldn’t read his expression, he decided to continue. “I wasn’t good enough for Laufey, I believe. Maybe because of my height, maybe for some other reason, I do not care. But I wasn’t wanted there, and Odin didn’t take me in out of the goodness of his heart. So, it’s all the same to me,” he concluded. Tony slightly nodded to tell him he was understanding where he was coming from with this. Loki seemed satisfied and he looked away, taking a deep breath as he stayed silent.

“What did you tell him, when he told you for what purpose he took you?” Tony asked. Loki slowly shook his head as he glanced at Tony.

“I asked if I was just another stolen relic, locked up in Asgard until he could use me,” he said, his eyes stopping for a split second on the Casket he had drawn on the glass. “I asked why he didn’t tell me the truth from the beginning. He said that he wanted to protect me from the truth,” he said. “For the truth is, I come from the land of the monsters,” Loki said, using Tony’s words as he finally locked his eyes in his. “It all made sense. Why he was favoring Thor, all these years. It didn’t matter if he had claimed he loved me. He still despised me in his own way, I am sure.”

Tony wasn’t about to fight him on the matter, as he didn’t know how Odin had ever felt about Loki, and as he wouldn’t change his mind anyway. The way he had conducted himself while Thor and Loki were growing up, for Loki to grow up feeling so alone, there was probably some truth in his understanding of Odin’s behavior.

“But it wasn’t time to talk anymore,” Loki then said, reaching the end of that day’s story, “as Odin fell in the Odinsleep.”

“The what? What’s that?” Tony asked, surprised by the turn of the events. Loki stared for a second, before giving him a very small smile;

“You have these books, now. Why don’t you read a little?” He asked calmly. “I need some time.”

“I could stay for a bit longer,” Tony heard himself say. He then felt a sudden draft between his fingers, as Loki suddenly took back his hand, letting go of Tony’s. And yet, Tony had barely felt Loki’s hand leave his own, he just saw his expression change.

“No,” Loki said, still calmly and quietly, but he was looking slightly agitated. “I need to read my letter,” he then said before standing up, giving Tony a glance. The genius looked down at the drawings in front of him. The ice still hadn’t melted. He only nodded, not looking at Loki anymore, and he got up too.

He didn’t waste time, putting some books he would start reading in the empty box, leaving the chess plate and his glass of whisky near the cell as he walked towards the doors. He hadn’t looked at Loki once while doing all of this, feeling kind of upset. He wouldn’t say he was hurt by how Loki had suddenly rejected his presence. No, he wouldn’t say that.

Loki, on the other hand, didn’t stop looking at Tony once as the genius had been taking everything he needed before leaving. Standing near the glass, he had watched his every move, barely blinking.

Once Tony was gone, Loki took his letter and went to sit on his bed, but he didn’t read it right away. He soon found himself pacing in the cell, thinking about his conversation with Odin again. He didn’t know he would still feel this way about it, it was usually making him angry, not sad.

But for some reason, that day, as he had let Tony discover this part of him, he had felt vulnerable, and he had been able to remember feelings that had left his body some time after he had fallen into the abyss. He had been able to remember that day vividly, to remember the way he had felt. How unloved, unwanted, but more importantly how empty he had felt when he had learned his origins. How his whole life had been a lie, how horrible he always must have been to not only be seen as a monster by everyone, but to be unwanted by the monsters themselves. He could remember how much he had cried that day, he could still feel every single tear burning his pale and cold cheeks.  


End file.
